Mailbag

Warming People's Hearts (And their pants)

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 11:45:07 -0500

Ok, so I'm trying to revamp the site as we speak. I'm going to be doing 2 entries a week in my various blogs, and I expect to be doing mini-entries in the sports blog during the NBA finals starting next Thursday. This will allow me to write about everything else you guys want to read (TV, Movies, Politics, etc), and still satiate my own desire to write about sports. Here are your emails, uncut and completely unedited. who the fuck would name their son Nancy Pelosi. They should of upheld there human right to abort their child rather than sentence him to a horrible life as a man with a little girls name. -kyle Pat: I can see you got the point to that article entirely. Bravo, "Kyle", if that is your real name, Al Gore! Lay off the bottle, Al, you've got an international lie to feed. Type your email here.im drink -kyleq Pat:Al, I think you have a serious problem. Give up this climate change thing and move up to the North with me. We'll get an apartment together and make wine and cheese. It'll be just like before, remember? Before Georgey boy caused that terrible impotence. Come on back, Al. We all know that in the key matchup of (2)Cleveland Cavaliers vs. (7)Washington Wizards Mike Brown will decisively defeat Patrick J Dobson. There is no competition between the two. But there is something I can agree with, the NFL coverage when the season is still 6 months away. Who cares? Baseball is the national past time and although I dont watch basketball or hockey, those two sports should be given at least 60% of the airwaves (or cable these days) with baseball taking 30% and other things taking up the rest. -Mike Brown Pat: In case anyone was unsure, I was talking about my desire to beat up the head coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers, not the guy who lives in the apartment below mine. However, let me mention here that I do want to fight Mike Brown from the apartment below mine. In fact, I'm changing his name to Below Mine Brown. What do you have to say about that, Below Mine Brown? Huh? It's going to be a blood bath! Just like this... I love popeyes in compton...and Fuck ESPN -Joe Pat: Most of the sporting universe is pretty upset with ESPN about their over-saturated NFL coverage - accept for a bunch of casual NFL fans. According to the PTI guys, among others, ESPN views the NFL fanbase as a ravenous pack of gluttons with an insatiable desire for coverage of their favorite sport. The problem with this is, it's driving away the high quality sports fan like Joe and I here. We watch every sport, we're knowledgeable about them, and we regularly watch 5-6 hours of ESPN every day. Mike and Mike, First Take(Formerly Cold Pizza), Sportscenter Sportscenter Sportscenter, Around the Horn, PTI, and whatever game they're playing that night. ESPN is for all sports, not just the NFL. If they want to devote 3 hours a day to the NFL out of season, then they need to start a network devoted solely to the NFL or relinquish some ratings share to the NFL network. Don't make high quality fans like Joe and I suffer for the unquenchable thirst of millions of NFL fans. Patirck! I have very urgent news! I really would like to write a mailbag that is formitable to the rest of your entries but I think I have allready failed you by misspelling you name. Up until now i believe i have type everything correctly but in my state of enebration i dont think i will be typing correctly much longer. Regardless(even if i do say that too much) I want to tell you about my night... But before that.... I have to let you know that I took a peice of your pizza, WHY??? I'll tell, but from the beginning... Tonight when I was sitting with you watching house and playing my new video game I got a call from my frield E. E said hey we're at the M.G's, so why dont you come out? I said //// print('wow i'm hungry and i could definately put down a few B's @ M.G's') //// After that I got my clothes from the laundry and stuff them in my bag and went to M.G's to get a few B's and some food. When I got there I was greeted by the doorman and my friends, L, N, W, and E amd we all drank some B's a few H's passed and We all decied it was a good time to go H. I invited E and N to come into the house and drink some more B's at that time. We played some games and drank more B's and soon there after I was pretty D. They left after play a few C gmaes and then I was left almost alone. 'TWELVE INCH RAILROAD' went into his room and soon there after started playing tecfhno music(which as i will tell later turned out to be really loud)... I know i use alot of ...'s but it meant for an illustration of writings, got it?!?!?!? OK so 'TWELVE INCH RAILROAD's in his room and E and N allready left so I'm just Left with me and my new $5 video game, which is awesome. Soon AssCrack McGee come back from working at the coal mine and we start talking about crappy techno and how badly he want to get some Taco B. This entire time, I'mm looking at you half filled pizza box thinking "wow he left a half filled pizza box out in the open to be attacked by his roomates and the bacteria that is OBVIOUSLY in the apartment." I decided that if i tryed to protect your pizza by throwing it in the fridge I would be attacked by AssCrack McGee, 'TWELVE INCH RAILROAD' and Pollock, and I wouldnt be able to save you pizza from the OBVIOUS bacteria. So i told AssCrack Mcgee and Pollock to go to Taco B. and get me a spicy chickn burrito. I like spicy cihken burritos alot and they make me feel happy. Regardless... They left to get Taco B. and 'TWELVE INCH RAILROAD' was in the room listeling to loud Techno music. so I decided to wrap up your remaining pieces of pizza and out thems in your fridge so you could enjoy them tommorow with out all the OBVIOUS bacteria. UNNNFORTUNATELLY............................. -BackToast BVelt Pat: These are the people that I spend most of my time with. Is it any wonder I think so highly of myself? I must vehemently disagree with your assessment of the logos of Marvel and of Disney. The Marvel logo has three major strengths. The first, is the music. Although this is the Spiderman music, it is playing during the logo. It gets you all hyped up to see some action. Also, it plays to the strengths of Marvel comics. Second, is the flipping motion. This is a great unique effect, much better than the silly, worn out, impossible boom camera shot in the Disney logo. The flipping motion clues you in to the final strength of the Marvel logo, it reminds the viewer, in the short 13 seconds of the c lip, how many Marvel characters and settings there are. Though one is visible, Iron Man, the rest are caught in a wonderful blur. This plus the music brings out the strengths of Marvel: a vast fantastic universe with more depth than Disney will ever have. -Carl Pat: Carl, here, is a heartless bastard. Any of us early 20-somethings that spent most of our childhood getting love and affection from our parents, going to Disney movies, and getting those rare trips to Disney World easily see all of the flaws with his disagreement. Those the same age who spent their childhoods reading comic books, playing D&D, and watching Japanese animation don't understand that heart and true nostalgia are at the core of the Disney Logo - easily the most moving and awe-inspiring logo in the entertainment industry. Patrick J Am I just crazy, or did the cavs also take the season series with the spurs (not many games...but its gotta count for something)?? And don't hate on my Uncle Momo, he's a great guy who just felt that cucumbers tasted best pickled. Holler at the kid... -The Real Slim Shady Pat: Marshall, you are correct, the Cavs beat the Spurs in San Antonio at the beginning of the regular season 88-81. In January, they beat them again, 82-78. Now, it was early in the season so that doesn't much matter. The Spurs weren't playing at their highest level yet, but neither were the Cavs. A lot of people suprisingly picked against the Cavs when they played the Nets, and most people picked the Pistons win the East Finals. Most people are going to take the Spurs in this series, and I just wanted too get on the Cavs band wagon as soon as possible. And I'm a complete homer. I might be writing about politics otherwise. Send me more emails! Tschüs!

Mailbag Goodness -- The First

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 14:33:54 -0500

Ok, so I've been gone for a while and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry guys, but things get crazy, you know? Work piles up, the monkies get out of their cages, and then you have to troll around town for psychadelic mushrooms so you can feel the music and get your first album to go gold before you realize there is no album, there were no monkies, and that wasn't a new toilet in the corner, just a pile of my old clothes. And while I think about what's been happening inside my brain the last three days, enjoy the first the first edition of the mailbag! As always, all emails are completely unedited, so don't blame me if you're offended. Doing great! Keep up the good work! -Patrick Dobson Pat: Thanks a lot! Im very proud of you #1 son. Love your dad -Dad Pat: You can't say that! You're not my father...! Oh....wait...you are. Well fine then. In defense of a your honor, In the words of Axl Rose "You better back off, back off bitch Face of an angel with the love of a witch" I shall make some statments that that will rock your sober little world. In my opening arguments I would like to state that even though this may be the first time that I have read this particular blog, this attacking post has affected a person like me, in a way that I must make a comment relating to this. Alrighty, starting off, there are many people that don't want to go pay 10 dollars of their hard earned money to see some fucking movie. Pat cuts out the bullshit with a simple 2 page essay that I won't bother to read. And for the Black Donnelly's, those assholes can go back to fuckin Ireland. I mean really, do we as Americans need another Boston based shitfest. Does anyone remember that the IRISH ARE EVERYWHERE. FUCKING BOSTON CAN LICK MY TAINT. FUCK that crappy show. And your attack upon the Jesus figure as PAT. I mean really. Doesnt anyone get it. Fukcin JEsus is dead. 2000 years ago, can't forget the past can ya. Look at who gives a shit. In this generation those who have religion are almost a fuckin joke. YOU should know that MONEY RULES all. Golden fuckin rule, that and who holds the nickel plate makes the rules. This shit about religion may help yall out, but wake up I mean I gettin away from my defense here. Oh yeah thank you Ms. Chef, I know the countless hours that you have spend in a fuckin kitchen cooking to mock another's skills. That is fucked there. I think at the end of the day you fuckin christian folks who think you're so special should get off your high fucking horse and join the roman catholic religion. Instead of having that retarded special sense of righteousness try living with guilt no matter what you do. Yeah you can't cause in general you're all week as far as I give a shit. On the subject fo Nancy Pelosi, I beleive that she is a useless pawn. Pat needs to focus on taking Hillary Klinton down a notch. That bitch is up to something. I mean if your are supposed to be from arkansas and you represent New york, you should be a lying bitch by default. All she had to do was buy some fuckin land on the finger lakes and sit on it for a little while. While the republican party is fucked beyond belief politically, the democratic party might as well sinead o'connor of political parties, that being stupid beyond belief. In conclusion I hope this will greatly help towards creating some sort of rap fued. This could in general kick start the "Untitiled project" to new levels. FUCKIN CHUCKLES FUCKIN POST SCRIPT: Ted Nugent is the only one that can really make a difference. This man would go fight and kill anyone threatening the US of A. -Fuckin' Chuckles Pat: Alchohol can do terrible things to your brain. Stay in school kids. (I think this was in response to Jessy G's blog post a ways back. She got a lot more email than I have so far.) Pat, i most certainly disagree with Jessy's heated post. It only reaffirms that you were right in your assessment that The Black Donnellys is a soft mafia show for chicks. Her main point in validating the merit of the show is that the actors are "HOTT". Enough said. I also put more stock into your critics, than i do in hers of you. Why? Simply because you are educated/informed of the topics about which you write. She on the other hand arrogantly assumed that she could pass judgement on your opinions when she admits herself that she doesn't read your blog. In my opinion, that makes her rant ignorant and I can't value a thing that she says. As far as you speaking in a pretentious way, that's absolutely rediculous. You should not be expected to dumb-down your language for the less eloquent. Write on Pat Dobson, write on! BJ -BJ Pat: Note - All those that decide to praise my work while simultaneously being critical of my detractors will be posted in the Mailbag, no questions asked. Then again, everyone is going to get posted in the mailbag because I barely get any bloody emails. Am I really so boring? Blah! Send in your responses, I know you crazies don't agree with everything I say. My name is Pat I like cock it makes me happy in my mouth. I like to smell girls hair and eat boys butts. I smoke like a fiend and drink like a sailor with a monkey.speaking of monkeys I would like to have sex with a monkey someday because the pirates of the Caribbean says it’s the cool thing to do. I like tacos but not pink ones. I like hotdogs and not hamburgers. Sometimes I smell my feet. They smell bad…like a possum that was run over with a Mac truck last week and it’s 90 degrees out and the humidity is really high. Yes I am smelly. I like it when people tell me I’m smelly, it makes me feel manly. Manly men go and fuck monkeys. EEE OOO EEEEEE EEEE I AM a monkey! -Jessy G Pat: The preceding message has been paid for by the national D.A.R.E. program. Kids, don't do drugs. That's it for this edition of the mailbag. I promise it will get longer when I get more emails. I'll give Chuckles more alcohol tonight and see if we can't get another rant out of him Tschüs!