Spectating Savant

Tilt your head up in the air. Yeah, right now, sitting at your computer. Lean back, get your nostrils nice and high. Inhale. I mean REALLY inhale. Get the air moving through that shnozz of yours. Do you smell that? No...? Inhale again; with gusto this time! Breathe it in. You smell it now, right? Yeah you do. You smell it. It smells like crisp cut grass and fresh april rain. The scents of pine tar, ash wood, and leather oil surround you. No, you're not in Michael Jackson's bed room. That smell - that glorious aroma - is baseball season.

And you've got to love baseball season.

Every year, 30 teams in 27 cities set out for the ultimate goal of conquering the Major League ranks and winning a World Series. And, unlike the NFL, NBA, and NHL fans, every baseball fan in America is blessed with the delusion that after 162 games, their team could well be the Champion of the World.

Except those in Kansas City.

Take me, for example. I've been a Tribe fan since birth. Baseball and I have been very fond of one another for some time. Sure, she was kind of a tease during my little league, youth league, and high school playing days, but what girls weren't during those years? Well, the sluts weren't, but baseball is no slut. After 150 years, it looks like she's in it for the long haul.

Right now, I'm convinced the Tribe is going to make the playoffs. They won 78 games last year and scored more runs than anyone not playing home games in New York. Their putrid bullpen lost 27 games last year. 27!!! This past offseason, GM Mark Shapiro went to work on the 'pen like Kobe on an Eagle County concierge. The Tribe added Roberto Hernandez, Aaron Fultz, and Joe Borowski to compliment the solid Rafael Betancourt, Matt Miller, Fernando Cabrera, Jason Davis, and Tom Mastny. If the Indians increase their saves from 24 to 40 (very possible considering it would put them only at the league average), that's 16 more victories! 16 + 78 = 94. 94 wins! That's a playoff team!

There are stories like this for every team. This is what makes baseball so great. No matter who you root for, if the chips fall the right way for you this year, you could be watching a lot of baseball come October. Unless you're a Pirates fan...

Let's get to the American League portion of my Baseball Preview:

American League East

Best Offseason:

Boston Red Sox

Best Pitcher:

Roy Halladay, Blue Jays

Best Hitter:

David Ortiz, Red Sox

Best Addition:

Daisuke Matsuzaka, Red Sox

Best Manager:

None

I'm sorry, I just can't give a best manager award to this division. The two best teams in this division have payrolls over $150 million. I have pre-teen cousins that could win pennants with that kind of support. At the end of the day, Joe Torre and Terry Francona are average managers. John Gibbons (Blue Jays), Sam Perlozo (Orioles), and Joe Maddon(Devil Rays) can get consideration when their teams don't reek of incompetence. Gibbons is on his way up, but I'd still pick Leo Mazzone (Orioles pitching coach) and Lou Pinella (former Devil Rays coach, now with the Chicago Cubs) over him.

The Yankees have won this division 9 years in a row. Like the Braves before them, I won't pick against them until they lose. They've got a fearsome lineup with Johnny Damon, Derek Jeter, Bobby Abreu, Jason Giambi, Alex Rodriguez, Robinson Cano, Hideki Matsui, Jorge Posada, and Doug Mientkiewicz. You know what that does to a pitcher? Knowing you're going up against that lineup is like being the groom at Jenna Jameson's wedding - you can't sleep the night before because you know you won't be impressing anyone. The rotation is not as good as Boston's, but it is certainly capable with Chen Mien Wang as the ace and the addition of Andy Pettite. If Carl Pavano is what he should be, there's no reason the Yankees shouldn't take the East in a long season.

The Red Sox will be right there. Their rotation could be as feasome as the Yankees' lineup with Curt Schilling, Josh Beckett, Matsuzaka, Tim Wakefield and cancer survivor Jon Lester. However, their lineup is certainly not what it once was. If Manny and Papi are healthy, they'll score enough runs. I won't pull the trigger on the Sox until they prove they can consistently beat the Yankees. This means no more 5 game sweeps.

Watch for the Devil Rays to pull themselves out of the gutter, and for Orioles fans to start wearing brown paper bags to the ballpark.

Team to watch:

Toronto Blue Jays

Player to watch

Delmon Young, Devil Rays

Predicted Finish:

1. New York Yankees
2. Boston Red Sox
3. Toronto Blue Jays
4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays
5. Baltimore Orioles

American League Central

Best Offseason:

Cleveland Indians

Best Pitcher:

Johan Santana, Twins

Best Hitter:

Travis Hafner, Indians

Best Addition:

Gary Sheffield, Tigers

Best Manager:

Jim Leyland, Tigers

You could throw darts at a board and do an ok job of picking this division. Even the Royals are on the rise! The Kansas City Royals! But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Royals fans should stay in the closet and continue rooting for the Cardinals in public. Yeah, I saw all you "Cardinals fans" at Royals-Indians games last year, you're not fooling me.

The Tribe had the best offseason of the bunch by fixing that terrible bullpen and filling the hole at 2nd by trading for Josh Barfield. The only departures of note for the Tribe are Aaron Boone(hah!) and Kevin Kouzmanoff. Kouz was good, but our minor league outfield is loaded with the likes of Shin Soo Choo, Franklin Gutierrez, and Ben Francisco waiting to come up. Trading from a position of depth for a position of weakness seems like a good practice. Perhaps the other 29 teams in the majors should consider this. The Indians made room for Ryan Garko on the big league team (he only had 45 RBI in 50 games last year). He'll be either a first baseman or a DH on any given day this year. This is what the Tribe looks like on paper:

Lineup

1. Grady Sizemore, CF (Led AL in extra base hits)
2. Jason Michaels/Trot Nixon, LF (High OBP guys)
3. Travis Hafner/Ryan Garko, DH (High Avg, Hr, RBI guys)
4. Victor Martinez/Ryan Garko, C/1B (Martinez high Avg guy)
5. Casey Blake/Ryan Garko, 1B (Casey Blake underrated, great all around athlete)
6. David Delucci/Casey Blake, RF (Dellucci high avg against righties)
7. Jhonny Peralta, SS (Lasik surgery, look for him to be closer to 2005 than 2006)
8. Josh Barfield, 2B (Great rookie season, excellent pedigree with major league Dad)
9. Andy Marte, 3B (Great glove, the bat will come around, won HR Derby in AAA)

Rotation

1. C.C. Sabathia (Potential Cy Young)
2. Jake Westbrook (One of the game's great sinker ballers, needs good defense)
3. Cliff Lee(mark him down for 17 wins)
4. Paul Byrd(Vet w/ something to prove)
5. Jeremy Sowers(Sophmore sensation, the next Greg Maddux)

Add in the afformentioned bullpen, and this team looks really really good. Manager Eric Wedge has the most difficult job in the American League filling out the lineup card everyday, but if he does a good job with it, this is the best team in the AL Central. Adam Miller and Fausto Carmona are big league pitchers waiting in Buffalo for their opportunity, so the rotation can bear injuries. Sabathia is a Cy Young candidate and Hafner is an MVP candidate. Look for Westbrook and Sizemore to finally win the Gold Gloves they've been denied the last two seasons.

With that said, the Tigers are no slouch. They were certainly one of the best teams in the league last year, and things haven't changed much in the offseason. They didn't improve as much as the Tribe, but they could still win this division. Gary Sheffield could add the pop they need to finally get over the hump. Justin Verlander could suffer a sophmore slump, and Kenny Rogers may struggle with injury troubles. But other than that, there's not a lot to hate about the Tigers right now.

Chicago and Minnesota both had horizontal offseasons. The White Sox are getting older every year. Their youngest asset is closer Bobby Jenks, and that's the position where experience is the most important. Kansas City is at least a few years away. If your GM has a good couple of years, you Royals fans can take the bags off your heads in 2009. The Twins will need a lot of help from their young pitchers because Johan Santana is the only show in town. They will also need Mauer and Morneau playing above their abilities again. I don't see them both having career years again.

Team to Watch:

Cleveland Indians

Player to Watch:

Josh Barfield, Indians

Predicted Finish

1. Cleveland Indians
2. Detroit Tigers
3. Minnesota Twins
4. Chicago White Sox
5. Kansas City Royals

Note: I will never pick agains the Tribe if there's any type of argument for them to win the division. However, until the city of Cleveland gets over the Curse of Jim Brown and somebody wins a championship, don't look for me to pick them to win it all either.

AL West

Best Offseason:

Los Angeles Angels

Best Pitcher:

Francisco Rodriguez, Angels

Best Hitter:

Ichiro Suzuki, Mariners

Best Addition:

Gary Matthews Jr., Angels

Best Manager:

Mike Scioscia, Angels

The AL West gets to be the YAWN division of baseball this year. I blame ESPN. All the way over there in Bristol, they seem to care more about the fact that Alex Rodriguez prefers cherry flavored jock straps to chocolate than the fact that the 120 lb Ichiro can hold a bat in his mouth and hit it 450 feet.

The Angels had the best off season with the aquisition of Gary Matthews Jr. They will lead the pack in a division which doesn't really have much of an identity. Texas has an excellent offense, despite the departure of Matthews Jr., and the A's always move in right direction.

You've got to take the Angels in this division. Despite the A's making an excellent addition in Mike Piazza as their DH, their pitching has become questionable with the departure of Barry Zito - their most dependable starter this decade. If Rich Harden and Danny Haren are healthy, the A's will contend. However, if Jered Weaver gets and stays healthy and K-Rod is K-Rod, the Angels will run away with this division. An outfield of Garret Anderson, Vlad Guerrero, and Matthews is a force to be reckoned with.

Team to Watch:

Texas Rangers

Player to Watch:

Jered Weaver, Angels

Predicted Finish

1. Los Angeles Angels
2. Oakland Athletics
3. Texas Rangers
4. Seattle Mariners

American League Wild Card Winner:

Boston Red Sox

American League Playoffs

Divisonal Series

Cleveland Indians over New York Yankees

Boston Red Sox over Los Angeles Angels

American League Championship Series

Boston Red Sox over Cleveland Indians

The Tribe will probably limp into the playoffs in a strong central division which will undoubtedly cannibalize itself. This would match them up against the Yankees whom they'll beat with better pitching in a short series.

The Red Sox will beat the Angels of Anaheim because the AL West representative will probably be the 6th best team in the league.

I like the Sox experience and pitching in a series against Cleveland, which will probably be happy just to be there. Plus, I expect 4 of these games to be in Fenway. Hafner will probably hit 12 doubles off the monster, but the Red Sox will win in the end. You can bet I'll be rooting otherwise.

Awards

American League Most Valuable Player:

Travis Hafner

American League Cy Young:

Roy Halladay

Rookie of the Year:

Daisuke Matsuzaka

Manager of the Year:

Eric Wedge

American League Golden Gloves

• P, Jake Westbrook, Indians (should have won last two years)
• C, Ivan Rodriguez, Tigers
• 1B, Mark Teixera, Rangers
• 2B, Josh Barfield, Indians
• SS, Derek Jeter, Yankees
• 3B, Mark Lowell, Red Sox
• LF, Carl Crawford, Devil Rays
• CF, Grady Sizemore, Indians (See above)
• RF, Delmon Young, Devil Rays

The American League is definitely the more powerful of the two leagues. While the National League has made strides to bring parity, and the Cardinals won the World Series (mostly because the Tigers had their hands around their throats), the American League remains more talented then the Senior Circuit.

Tomorrow I will try to get around to the National League, but you really don't care about the National League, do you?

Tschüs!

The NBA playoffs are upon us. And as sports fans, it is our duty to stand up and take note of the playoffs. That is, unless, of course, those playoffs are played on ice and the players are using sticks. Those playoffs are still on probation from my attention until A)The Penguins make the Finals or B) Hockey gets more than 3 minutes per hour of Sportscenter. Which reminds me of a rant I need to make before I get to the playoffs...

Fuck Sportscenter and Fuck ESPN!!!!

The fact that there has been at least 4 hours worth of NFL coverage on ESPN a day since the NFL season ended is completely and totally unacceptable. IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS!!!! Baseball is well underway, the NHL playoffs are well underway, the NBA playoffs are poised to begin, and we're still geting 8 hours of NFL coverage a day! NFL Live still gets an entire hour. Sportscenter special editions devoted entirely to NFL Draft coverage are dominating the air waves! I can't even begin to describe the insanity of this!

Where is Baseball Tonight? Where is NBA Fastbreak? Why haven't I heard from Barry Melrose making enough to feed his family? Do they still run NASCAR races on Sundays?

Sidney Crosby recently became the youngest player ever to win the NHL scoring title, Kobe Bryant seems to puts up 50 w/o breaking a sweat, Alex Rodiriguez is having a historically good April, but the only fucking person I'm hearing about is fucking Brady Quinn!!! What has he done at the pro level? FUCKING NOTHING!!!!!!!

As a general guideline, I don't drop the F-Bomb unless it's completely necessary to make my point. Well, I just dropped it a half dozen times in 3 paragraphs. Try to find it anywhere else in any of my blogs. Somebody get me a number to call or an email address so I can complain to the ESPN programmers that I am tired of all this NFL coverage. There is absolutely no reason for this, and it is ridiculous. The draft is two weeks away, and I'm already sick of football.

So help me God, if this continues after the draft is over, I'm going to find a way to stop it.

End Rant

ESPN is the Worldwide leader in sports, and I hate to bash them, but this is the worst programming I've ever seen. It's like being served hamburgers when you KNOW there's steak in the freezer. With the addition of Arena football, how much of one sport can this country take? This is too much if you ask me.

So let's get back to the NBA playoffs....

The playoffs start on Saturday. Predictions are in order. I'll break down each matchup, progress through the playoffs, and crown an NBA Champion. Why even bother watching the Playoffs? ESPN will spend 6 hours a night next week breaking down Round 6 of the NFL Draft. What will Oakland do with their precious 6th round pick? Let Mel Kiper analyze it for the next 30 minutes...

Let's get goin with the NBA Playoffs...

Eastern Conference: Round 1

(1)Detroit Pistons vs. (8)Orlando Magic

• Marquee Player:Chauncey Billups, Pistons
• Key Matchup:Chris Webber vs. Dwight Howard
• Difference Maker:Rip Hamilton, Pistons
• Coaching Edge:Detroit, Flip Saunders

The Detroit Pistons are the Mr. Cellophane of this year's NBA Season. They very quietly won 53 games in what is probably the worst Conference in the history of the league. This makes them a force to be reckoned with in the playoffs. Veteran Chris Webber decided he still liked playing basketball when he came to Detroit and has seemed his old self again. Matching him up down low with Dwight Howard is certainly a case of Youth vs. Experience. If every player in the NBA was thrown into a brawl and Shaq was the officiator, I would take Dwight Howard to win it all. Take notice of his physique during the series and tell me if he's not the most impressive physical specimen in the NBA.

The Pistons are too good for the Magic. They've been here before, they play good defense, and they make big shots. Howard is the only one on the floor that can impact a game, and at this point in his career he's no more than a role player on a real championship game.
Results:Pistons Sweep, 4-0

(2)Cleveland Cavaliers vs. (7)Washington Wizards

• Marquee Player:LeBron James
• Key Matchup:Mike Brown vs. Patrick J Dobson or Terrence Howard vs. Eddie Jordan
• Difference Maker:Ira Newble
• Coaching Edge:Washington, Eddie Jordan

Gilbert Arenas is out for the playoffs. Caron Butler is out for the playoffs. The Wizards were in free-fall coming in. There's not even any real reason to play these games. Can you sweep in 3 games? Can the other team just give up? Results:Cavs Sweep, 4-0

(3)Toronto Raptors vs. (6)New Jersey Nets

• Marquee Player:Vince Carter
• Key Matchup:Chris Bosh vs. Mikki Moore
• Difference Maker:Jason Kidd
• Coaching Edge:New Jersey, Lawrence Frank

The experts have this highlighted as the Upset Special for the first round of the NBA playoffs. This expert is not so certain. The Nets have all the leadership with playoff veteran Jason Kidd leading the way, but Vince Carter is the huge wild card in all of this.

He's never been a completely consistent player, and he's got to go back to Toronto and play in front of 20,000+ fans that hate his guts. A constant flow of boos will be rained down upon Vince Carter whenever he has the ball. That coupled with Chris Bosh waiting for him at the basket will be sure to keep Carter at the perimeter shooting jump shots. If those shots are falling (and in Toronto, they won't be), the Nets will be fine. New Jersey is fighting an uphill battle.

The only hope for the Nets is that Mikki Moore can score on Chris Bosh and keep him away from the basket. If a lane opens up and Carter can get to the rim, the entire face of the series changes. I don't see that happening. Vince Carter is going to shy away from this series like a white family from a Popeye's in Compton.
Results:Raptors Win, 4-2

(4)Miami Heat vs. (5)Chicago Bulls

• Marquee Player:5/8 of Dwayne Wade
• Key Matchup:Shaquille O'Neal vs. (Ben Wallace, PJ Brown, Tyrus Thomas)
• Difference Maker:Dwayn Wade's Left Shoulder, Shaq's Stamina
• Coaching Edge:Miami, Pat Riley

This is certainly the toughest call of the first round. For those that have been doing coke and mushrooms for the last 350 or so days, the Bulls and the Heat played in the first round of the playoffs last year. The Bulls stole two games from the Heat in Chicago, and it looked like the Shaq/Flash Co. might be in trouble for a second.

The Bulls added Ben Wallace to hopefully neutralize Shaq, and now everyone gets to see if that's the case. PJ Brown and Tyrus Thomas are no slouches, but they certainly don't match up with Shaq alone. However, they should be able to keep the pressure on him and keep his energy levels bone dry. The big man took on a lot of the work load when D-Wade went down with the left shoulder separation. I'm not convinced he has the energy to make another big playoff run.

The biggest question mark, however, is Dwayne Wade's left shoulder. If he goes down, the Heat lose. He knows this. Shaq knows this. Pat Riley knows this. Thus, Dwayne Wade will be playing scared the entire series. That is, if he's smart.

However, for those that actually watch the first 3 quarters of any Heat game featuring Wade, they know he doesn't really start to play until the 4th. Generally, he's in third or even second gear before the 4th quarter. If Shaq's tired, he's going to have to do a lot more than that, and that's not how this Heat team wins.

Too many question marks for the Heat against the currently much more stable Bulls who have home court advantage. The same home court advantage that supplied 6 NBA Championships. Don't think those people have forgotten how to be championship caliber fans.
Results:Bulls Win, 4-3

Western Conference: Round 1

(1)Dallas Mavericks vs. (8)Golden State Warriors

• Marquee Player:Dirk Nowitzki
• Key Matchup:Baron Davis vs. Jason Terry
• Difference Maker:Jerry Stackhouse
• Coaching Edge:Dallas, Avery Johnson

Baron Davis has been getting all kinds of love lately. And with good reason. The last two weeks of the season, he's been every bit as good as Steve Nash - giving the Warriors 18 pts, 7 assists, and 2.4 steals a game. You won't see Nash producing on both ends of the floor like that. Plus, the Warriors swept the season series this year, 3-0. They Warriors have the Mavs' number.

And they'll be beaten soundly.

Avery Johnson has had the Mavs playing at the top of their game all season long. They play defense, they run the floor, they work well in the half court, and they exploit mismatches. Whether it's Jason Terry, Jerry Stackhouse, or Josh Howard, someone is always coming up with the extra slack to help Dirk get it done. Perhaps the Mavs have been playing at their full potential, and they have nothing more to give in the playoffs - no extra oomph that will truly overrun teams - but that'll still be enough to decisively defeat the Warriors. After the Bay Area rejoices a Game 1 blow out, the Mavs will win the next 4.
Results:Mavs Win, 4-1

(2)Phoenix Suns vs. (8)Los Angeles Lakers

• Marquee Player:Kobe Bryant
• Key Matchup:Kobe Bryant vs. The Suns
• Difference Maker:Kobe Bryant
• Coaching Edge:Phoenix, Mike D'Antoni (Unless Phil Jackson escapes out of the mountains and kills that robot that's been on the sideline for him all year)

This series is very simple. Kobe scores 50 points a game, or the Lakers lose. With Raja Bell, Shawn Marion, and Amare Stoudamire playing defense for the Suns, the Eagle County Casanova is going to have his hands full. However, I give the Lakers a better shot of winning then they had last year. There was a better team around The Mamba last year, granted, but I think that's actually worse for the Lakers. Kobe needs to be the man going out there every night. He needs to feel like he has to score 50, or the Lakers are going to lose.

In 1965, Jerry West set the record for scoring in a Playoff series by scoring 46.3 ppg agains the Baltimore Bullets. In 1988 and 1992, Michael Jordan went over 45 ppg agains the Cleveland Cavaliers and Miami Heat respectively. If the Lakers are going to win this series, Kobe is going to have to overcome both of those performances. If he does that, all of the hotel clerks in the world won't be able to blind us from who the best player in the NBA really is.

But he won't.
Results:Suns Win, 4-1

(One more thing - mostly in 1965, but certainly in the late 80's and early 90's, there were far fewer rules governing defenses. We should have seen a 50 ppg series by now, right? The Logo scored all his points WITHOUT the 3 point line! And I haven't seen a single 60 point game from Kobe yet? It's got to happen this series, or we'll never see it.)

(3)San Antonio Spurs vs. (6)Denver Nuggets

• Marquee Player:Carmelo Anthony
• Key Matchup:Allen Iverson vs. Tony Parker
• Difference Maker:Tim Duncan
• Coaching Edge:San Antonio, Gregg Popovich

Outside of the prospect of The Mamba trying to break 60, this has got to be the most intriguing series of the first round. Look at all the star power involved in this series - Allen Iverson, Carmelo Anthony, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginoboli. The only playoff series in my life time that compare to this were those in the early 90s that featured Jordan. I remember being very excited for Jordan-Pippen-Grant vs. Price-Daugherty-Nance. Yes, I had a litte bit more riding on that series because it was the Cavs and because I was still thinking about this....

But from a purely objective standpoint, looking just at the players involved, this is the most exciting first round series I've seen in years. And the matchup is really quite simple. San Antonio went 1-10 this season when their opponent scored at least 100 points. If AI and 'Melo find a way to get into triple digits against the Spurs at least twice this series, I believe they can take it. The only problem with this is that George Karl has yet to show he can get those two playing well together consistently. I mean, Iverson was traded to Denver in December, and that was huge! How much have you heard about it since then? Almost nada.

Iverson has to feel his Championshp Hour Glass is running short on sand. He'll help propel the Nuggets to 2 wins, but this Spurs team is just too good.
Results:Spurs win, 4-2

(4)Utah Jazz vs. (5)Houston Rockets

• Marquee Player:Tracy McGrady
• Key Matchup:Yao Ming vs. Carlos Boozer
• Difference Maker:Deron Williams
• Coaching Edge:Utah, Jerry Sloan

I hate Carlos Boozer. results:Rockets win, 4-1

Eastern Conference: Round 2

Cavs over Raptors in 5

LeBron too good for Raps.

Pistons over Bulls in 7

Experience beats youth for the last time.

Western Conference: Round 2

Spurs over Suns in 7

Defense contains an exhausted Steve Nash.

Mav over Rockets in 7

Tmac plays insane, but can't overcome Dirk and Co.

Eastern Conference Finals

Cavs over Pistons in 6

Lebron gets revenge over Pistons running on fumes from Bulls Series.

Spurs over Mavs in 7

Epic series that has Spurs shifting into 5th gear and Dallas completely out of steam.

I hate to be a homer, but I'm not going back on my analysis from February. It was correct then, and it's correct now. I promise you I would not be picking this way if the seeding had been any different.

NBA Finals

Cavs over Spurs in 7

LeBron gets his first ring. The Spurs play out of their minds just to get out of the West, and they end up completely gassed for the Finals. The Cavs have the softer side of the East to waltz through, and they look fresh as daisies coming into the Finals. Sasha Pavolvic and Anderson Varejao establish themselves as Knights in the King's Court. LeBron, playing on fresh legs because he stood around for half the season, goes for 35 a game. The Cavs beat the Spurs 7 times in one season.

Tschüs!

P.S. If Cleveland doesn't get the #2 seed, they lose to Miami in the first round and the Bulls hoist the trophy for the 7th time.

Hi gang! It's finally NFL Draft time. After reeming ESPN the other day for having too much draft coverage, I have decided to be a hypocrite and write my longest post ever on the NFL draft.

For the draft, I'm doing a running dialogue between my various alter egos: Patrick, Dobson, and J.

Note: As it turned out, doing a running dialogue of the draft took a very long time. The draft is like 12 hours long! So I stopped after Brady Quinn got drafted.

Enjoy Patrick, Dobson, and J!

---

Patrick: Oh look, they're doing some kind of schmalzy montage at the beginning. Brady Quinn! JaMarcus Russel! Hey look! There's the fourth round wonderboy, Troy Smith! Is that the Rocky soundtrack? This whole event is just a bunch of guys picking teams like a gradeschool pickup game!

Dobson: Hey! Quiet! I'm listening to Boomer! I'm so excited for this draft!

Patrick: You would be. Add a version of the Rocky soundtrack to a bunch of Would Be Pros working out and running the 40, and you get all moist.

J: Haha, moist!

Dobson: Common, this is so exciting! Millions of lives will be changed today! Even Cardinals fans have a chance to pull out of the gutter!

Patrick eyes him

Dobson: Ok, maybe they don't.

Patrick: Well here it is, Boomer, Mel Kiper, Steve Young, and Keyshawn Johnson? I thought you had to be retired or on a terrible team before you got to sit at the desk? I just hope they give him the damned camera.

Dobson: Funny.

Patrick: I thought so.

Dobson: Madden 08 commercial with Reggie Bush! I can't wait to get that game!

Patrick: You ass, you'd buy the same game every year if I let you.

Dobson: Quiet, it's new commish Roger Goodell!

Patrick: He's opening the draft. The Oakland Raiders are now on the clock! It feels like they've been on the clock for 3 months! Cripes, I know as much about JaMarcus Russel as I do about Daisuke Matsuzaka.

J: Haha! Die-Sooooooooo-Kay!

Dobson and Patrick look at J for a moment.

Patrick: Right, well, I'm pretty depressed that the two most talked about figures in sports the past two months had no professional experience coming into this year.

Dobson: Hey, DiceK played pro in Japan! They won the WBC!

Patrick: I don't count baseball played on the other side of the international dateline.

Dobson: Because you can't watch it?

A moment passes.

Patrick: Because I can't watch it.

Dobson: I hope the Browns take Brady Quinn!

J: Brady Quinn is handsome!

Patrick: The Browns aren't even on the clock, but they need to take Joe Thomas. After a bunch of terrible picks, it's time for them to pick somone who's guaranteed not to be a bust.

Dobson: You're not guaranteed to be a bust!

J: Haha, bust!

Patrick: Yes. Good.

They watch.

Patrick: I think Mel Kiper is emotionally attached to Calvin Johnson. What's he going to do when he can't report on him anymore?

Dobson: Quiet, here comes the Commish...

The Oakland Raiders select JaMarcus Russel, QB, LSU

Patrick: JaMarcus Russel goes first. There's a suprise.

Dobson: Who should they have taken?

Patrick: Everyone should take Joe Thomas in the first round.

J: Brady Quinn!!

Dobson: Of course.

Patrick: Why is JaMarcus Russel on a landline talking to the Raiders?

Dobson: Signal must not be very good in Radio City Music Hall. What do you think Al Davis is saying to him?

Patrick: Probably something racist.

Dobson: JaMarcus had that white suit on yesterday. Today he's gone complete monochrome black. A good choice if you're going to get selected by the Raiders.

Patrick: Yes, very stylish. I agree.

J: Black is beautiful!

Patrick: There's Calvin Johnson as we go to commercial. This Draft Ticker that ESPN uses is a little ridiculous. I wonder what it costs? They use it for everything now. I think it was up the other day to measure the weight of Mel Kiper's hair.

Dobson: Vince Young in Madden 08! I can't wait to get that game!

Patrick: **Sigh** I guess you have to hand it to the EA Marketing department. Those commercials aren't bad, but we're not getting the game.

Dobson: Shush! Why are you always talking! Calvin Johnson just got the call from the Lions!

J: Speeeeeeeed!

Patrick: Speed, height, hands, vertical leap. Calvin Johnson is the football Jesus.

Dobson: You mean, beside Joe Thomas?

Patrick: Honestly, I'd take Calvin Johnson first, until TO gets to him and convinces him to eat the apple. The only bad thing about being the football Jesus is that you'll eventually KNOW you're the football Jesus.

J: Yay! Christmas!

They watch.

Patrick: Tirico, Kornheiser, and Jaworski are there promoting Monday Night Football on ESPN. As if they needed to! Props to ESPN replacing Theisman with Jaworski.

Dobson: Yeah, they traded a really annoying guy for a psuedo-annoying guy.

Patrick: Here's the commish for the Lions...

The Detroit Lions select Calvin Johnson, WR, Georgia Tech.

Patrick cries a little bit.

Dobson: I knew it! You did want the flashy wide receiver over the stable offensive tackle!

Patrick: Yeah, well, Detroit doesn't know how to treat a WR. Do you know who Charles Rogers or Mike Williams are?

Dobson: Who?

Patrick: Exactly. They were amazing WRs in college, and they were busts in the NFL. Who's going to throw to Johnson? John Kitna can't get the ball to him!

Dobson: They'll take Stanford's QB in the 2nd round.

Patrick looks at Dobson

Dobson: Yeah, they probably should have taken Brady Quinn.

J: Brady Quinnnnnnnnn!!!

Patrick and Dobson look at J

J: Handsome!

Patrick: I hope they trade Calvin Johnson for Calvin Johnson's sake.

Dobson: The Browns are on the clock!

Patrick: Oh no.

Dobson: What? This could turn the program around!

Patrick: They're going to take Brady Quinn. Joe Thomas is the right pick, and they're going to take Brady Quinn!

Dobson: They might take Adrian Peterson.

Patrick: Yeah, that's probably the right pick for the Browns. I can just see the game being called now: "And Adrian Peterson takes his first handoff! Brian Urlacher is right there! OOOOOOOOHHHH!!!! Adrian Peterson is down! That might be a career ender! That was such an awkward fall!"

Dobson: Joe Thomas? Sounds good.

Patrick: Check out Calvin Johnson talking to Suzy Kolber. He seems balanced. Not the norm for WRs.

Dobson: Yeah, wait till he gets to Detroit. He'll lose his sanity in the Lions program soon enough.

Patrick: It's nice that Boomer and Co. can really drill the Browns for how bad they are. Steve Young seems to think Brady Quinn...

J: Brady Quinn!!!!

Patrick: That that particular QB will answer the Browns problems. Here's the commish!

The Cleveland Browns select Joe Thomas, OT, Wisconsin

Patrick: They did it right! They did it right! They did it right! They did it right! They did it right! They did it right! Finally finally finally! They finally did it right!

Dobson: Calm down. They still suck.

Patrick: Yeah. True.

Dobson: Mel Kiper is running down those Christ-like highlights from Joe Thomas's senior season.

Patrick: That's beautiful. Jamal Lewis is going to double his production from last year.

Dobson: He'll score 2 TDs?

Patrick: Yeah.

A moment passes.

Patrick: I like that the Browns are showing faith in Charlie Frye. I think they're going to turn it around. I really do.

Dobson: So, who does Tampa Bay take now?

Patrick: Your mom. I don't care. The draft is over for me now.

Dobson: You're such a homer.

J: D'oh!!

Patrick: I say Tampa trades down.

Dobson: I say they take Adrian Peterson.

Patrick: Betcha 10 bucks.

Dobson: Betcha a copy of Madden 08 with Reggie Bush and Vince Young.

Patrick: Done. You'll forget by the time that game comes out in AUGUST.

Dobson: Your mother!

Patrick: Yours!

They fight.

J: Weeeeeee!!

Patrick: I was going to get Madden 08 anyway. Look, there's Brady Quinn holding back tears!

Dobson: And there's Suzy Kolber with that bright look in her eye. I think she wants to jump him.

Patrick: I agree. Brady Quinn and Suzy Kolber will be on the cover of US Weekly in two weeks holding hands and a bottle of tequila at the Palms.

Dobson: Gaines Adams is talking on his cell phone.

Patrick: Looks like Gruden doesn't want another young QB.

Dobson: Commish time for the Bucs...

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Gaines Adams, DE, Clemson.

Patrick: He's got all the enthusiam of a plank of wood.

Dobson: Or an old shoe.

Patrick: Suzy Kolber needs to flash him some leg so we can get a smile out of him.

Dobson: I think you really have a thing for her.

Patrick: Shut up! No.

J: Booooobieeeees!

Dobson: Hey, Devon Hester in Madden 08!

Patrick: Shut up. We were both wrong about Tampa Bay. It's a moot point.

Dobson: What's Hester's speed rating going to be in Madden?

Patrick: How high do they go?

Dobson: 100.

Patrick: 765.

Dobson: Who's got the next pick?

Patrick: I don't know! They took the ticker off the screen! I'm so lost! This commercial break is killing me!

Dobson: The ticker is back. Arizona is up next.

Patrick: Yeah, but now I have to listen to Trey Wingo and the rest of the NFL Live second string. I hate Trey Wingo.

Dobson: Because he doesn't know anything about football, judges the talent and attitude of players with no real information, and generally condescends to everyone in sight?

Patrick: No, because his name is Trey Wingo. There's no way that's his real name.

Dobson: There's Adrian Peterson. He's chewing gum.

Patrick: I hope he doesn't break his jaw.

Dobson: Zing!!

Patrick: I haven't seen anyone from Ohio State yet.

Dobson: Shhhhh. They're all still hiding from what happened in January.

Patrick: Roger Goodell.

The Arizona Cardinals select Levi Brown, OT, Penn State

Dobson: Huh?

Patrick: What? That's ridiculous! Listen to Boomer's Boys trying to justify this! Adrian Peterson and Brady Quinn are on the board!

Patrick: Yeah! You don't take Levi Brown here! You trade down and get more bang for your buck! That's just a terrible pick.

Dobson: Ladies and Gentleman, the Arizona Cardinals!!!

J: Cawdnalls!!!!!

Patrick: The Redskins are on the clock. Think they'll go defense?

Dobson: I say yes. No one in this league is smart enough to trade around to get proper value for their picks.

Patrick: I want to know what Tony Kornheiser thinks.

Dobson: And there he is! Awesome.

TV-Kornheiser: Everybody expects the Redskins to do what they've done the past few years, which is to trade this pick for 3 or 4 coordinators.

Patrick: And he burns the Redskins.

Dobson: Hah. You can always count on him for a zing.

Patrick looks at him.

Dobson: But yours was good too.

Patrick: Commercial break.

Dobson: They left the ticker up this time. They probably don't have the right ticker budget to keep it up all the time.

Patrick: But here's a new Under Armor commercial. I like the ones last year with AJ Hawk.

J: AJ Hawk loves Brady Quinn!!!!!!!!..................'s sister.

Dobson: They're showing Brady Qu.....

J looks at Dobson

Dobson: They're showing that QB from Notre Dame again. He's trying to laugh off this embarassment.

Patrick: Well, I'm sure he'll be laughing from Miami while he's hanging out with Dwayne Wade and Miguel Cabrera.

Dobson: LaRon Landry is on location in a White Sox hat and a clashing tie and shirt. He's getting the call from the 'Skins.

Patrick: Defense it is. Good call. You think he'll put on a 'Skins hat now?

Dobson: I hope not. It doesn't match his tie.

Patrick: How long do we have to do this?

Dobson: Till the end of the first round.

Patrick: Aw cripes, I'm going to get a sandwhich.

Dobson: Wait! Don't leave me alone with...

J: Hiiiii Dawbsen!!!!

Dobson sinks into his chair.

Dobson: To the commissioner...

The Washington Redskins select LaRon Landry, S, LSU

Dobson: The phone call cameras really ruin the suprise. I'm not a big fan.

J: Surprise!!!!!!

Dobson: Patrick! Get back in here, I'm dying by myself.

Patrick: Sorry. Who's on the clock?

Dobson: Minnesota.

Patrick: Suzy Kolber is talking to Peterson and Quinn's agent. He seems supremely disappointed that he's just lost a combined $5 million in commission.

Dobson: That's too bad for Peterson. He needed that signing bonus.

Patrick: Yeah, because his career is only going to last one carry.

Dobson: You're such a bastard.

Patrick: That's what they tell me. Hold on, Dad's calling.

Dobson: What's he saying.

Patrick: He's not watching the Draft. He's working. He wants to know who the Browns took. I don't think he's excited about Joe Thomas.

Dobson: I don't think I'm excited about Joe Thomas.

Patrick: No one is! Exciting picks are either hit or miss. Joe Thomas is what he is: a franchise changing offensive tackle that brings stability to a shaky organization.

Dobson: Here comes Right On Roger...

The Minnesota Vikings select Adrian Peterson, RB, Oklahoma

Patrick: And the bleeding ends.

Dobson: For the Vikings or Peterson?

Patrick: For Peterson's agent. He looked more worried than anyone.

Dobson: Yeah, he really should have been talking up his boys more. That they're going this late is unacceptable.

Patrick: Atlanta is on the clock.

J: Hotlanta! Rollin' in the Citaay!

Dobson: Quiet you, Brady Quinn has taken off his jacket.

J: Oooooo!

Patrick: Yeah, he's getting nervous. Atlanta's not going to pick him. He solves all their problems. That would just be too smart.

Dobson: What's wrong with Mike Vick?

Patrick looks at Dobson.

Dobson: Yeah, ok.

Patrick: Michael Vick just doesn't have what it takes to go the Super Bowl. The Falcons should take Quinn and trade Vick for WRs.

Dobson: Here's Goodman Goodell...

The Atlanta Falcons select Jamal Anderson, DE, Arkansas

Patrick: And Brady Quinn loses another $2 million.

Dobson: Look at him now. I really feel bad.

J: Brady saddddd!!

Patrick: Well, the Dolphins may finally have a legit replacement for Dan Marino after 15 years of waiting.

Dobson: They look pretty good right now. If they hadn't lost Nick Saban, they'd really be challenging in the AFC East. They added Joey Porter in the offseason, that defense is going to be nasty. Nothing could be better for a developing QB.

Patrick: Thank you, Professor.

Dobson: Your welcome, Patrick.

Patrick: They still have to be smart enough to take Brady Quinn. Suzy Kolber is next to him again. She's really close. They're totally going to do it.

Dobson: She kind of looks like his sister. I think it freaks him out.

Patrick: Yes, he seems considerably less comfortable next to her than she does to him. But that's only because his girlfriend is there. It only helps an athlete to date a member of the press. He'll never get his character assassinated.

Dobson: Here comes Roger...

The Miami Dolphins select Ted Ginn Jr., WR, Ohio State.

Patrick: So they took Brady Quinn. That's good.

Dobson: Uhhh, no, they didn't.

Patrick: Are you serious? This is ridiculous! He was the perfect fit! How do you not take Brady Quinn there?

Dobson: Brady Quinn is losing it. His composure is going away.

Patrick: And well it should! Miami didn't take Brady Quinn!?! That's terrible. They deserve to be the terrible football team they are.

Dobson: I love Teddy Ginn Jr.

J: Teddy Ginn!!! Brady Quinn!!!

Patrick: I love him too, but that was not the pick for the Dolphins. Ginn is great, but the Dolphins need a franchise QB and they were gifted Brady Quinn, and they didn't pull the trigger. This decision was a no brainer.

Dobson: What do you think if you're a Dolphins fan right now?

Patrick: Start stalking up on brown paper bags. You'll be wearing them for a while.

Dobson: This is on par with Houston taking Mario Williams over Reggie Bush.

Patrick: Absolutely. Someone should be fired straight away. But look who's on the clock.

Dobson: Houston.

Patrick: They have to take him. Yeah, they have David Carr, but it's the value! You can sign Brady Quinn for 10 or 5 cents on the dollar! Then he's HUUUGGGE trade bait. If you don't take Brady Quinn at this point, you're an idiot.

Dobson: ESPN is comparing this to Aaron Rogers two years ago. Justified?

Patrick: Certainly not. Brady Quinn is a better prospect than Aaron Rogers. This is a screwup of the highest order.

Dobson: Did you see Roger Goodell when he announced the pick? It was like he was as shocked as everyone else. This is completely absurd. I need a break.

Patrick: Yeah, me too.

J: Yeah! I like watching Brady Quinn!!

J: Roger!!! Roger!!!

The Houton Texans select Amobi Okoye, DT, Louisville

J: Uhhhmubee Ooookay! Yay!!! Brady Quinn!!!

Patrick: We really shouldn't have left him alone in here.

Dobson: It was my turn to take a break. You should have stayed!

Patrick: Meh.

Dobson: The Texans take another defensive lineman over a franchise player, what now?

Patrick: Well, the GMs at the top of the draft are proving why they're picking in the top of the draft. Brady Quinn is the value pick here. You have to make it.

Dobson: San Francisco is on the clock. They have Alex Smith. Should they take Brady Quinn?

Patrick: Absolutely. Again, you're not picking him to play for you at this point, you're picking him to trade him for a need that you have. There's too much value there.

Dobson: The collective intelligence of NFL GMs is being put on display here.

Patrick: And it sucks.

Dobson: Suzy Kolber is reporting that Roger Goodell has taken Brady Quinn to a private area.

Patrick: She's going back there as soon as she's done. Guaranteed.

Dobson: Yeah, he needs someone to take the edge off. It was a nice gesture by Roger Goodell though. So far, I like this new commish.

Patrick: Yeah, much prettier than Tagliabue.

Dobson: Uh....yeah.

J: Tagaboooo!!

Dobson: Here's Roger for the 9ers.

The San Francisco 49ers select Patrick Willis, LB, Mississippi

Dobson: He's wearing a Whitesox hat too! Are we seeing a new trend of college football players wearing hats of baseball teams that nobody likes?

Patrick: I think so. It seems to be stylish to wear the Whitesox hat and I don't see this fashion statement going anywhere anytime soon. Who's on the clock?

Dobson: The Bills. And you know what that means!

Patrick: Yes. They're going to take a DB, and put their faith in JP Losman. This is, of course, ridiculous. Especially after they let Willis McGahee get away for 65 cents on the dollar. The Bills just want to prove they can suck with the best of them.

Dobson: Well, the NFL Live guys want to know how far Brady Quinn will fall.

Patrick: It's simple. The next intelligent team on the board will take Brady Quinn. I say that's Pittsburgh. The Rooneys will get on the phone and right this ship.

Dobson: Here's Bruce Smith, former VA Tech Hoakie, for the Buffalo Bills Pick.

The Buffalo Bills select Mashawn Lynch, RB, California

Dobson: So they supported JP Losman.

Patrick: Yes, they did. But at least they filled that hole at RB. It's not the worst pick they could have made.

Dobson: Aye, and after the Dolphins proved to be utterly retarded, the Bills wanted to make a pick to improve the team and give them a chance in the AFC East.

Patrick: Which is interesting, because I wouldn't be suprised if the Jets were the team that was smart enough to take Brady Quinn.

Dobson: The Rams are on the clock. They've got Bulger, so they won't take Quinn. Who do they take at this point?

Patrick: The Rams? You think I know anything about the Rams? What do you know about the Rams?

Dobson: That they have Marc Bulger.

Patrick: I say they go defense. They might have benefitted from a WR with Hold and Bruce getting older, but the two best WRs are already gone.

Dobson: Here's Roger for the Rams

Rams select Adam Carriker, DE, Nebraska

Dobson: I'm taking a break.

Patrick: Me too.

Dobson: The NY Jets have traded up!

Patrick: The Jets have traded up!!

Dobson: What are they thinking?

Patrick: Well, they gotta be thinking corner back. But who knows.

Dobson: Yeah, ManGenius has got something up his sleeve.

Patrick: Trade details: Jets get to move up and a 6th round pick. The Panthers get the 25th overall plus a 2nd round pick and a 4th round pick.

Dobson: So they're thinking they'll get Revis and fill the holes they have at CB.

Patrick: That's the idea. I think they like that he can return kicks as well.

Dobson: Be honest, you're just listening to Boomer and Co. about this one.

Patrick: Yeah. The only thing I can really think about now is Brady Quinn's lost millions. How do you go to Thanksgiving next year and have to sit opposite 4th pick AJ Hawk?

Dobson: You hope Dallas picks you so you'll be on the field.

Patrick: There are worse football gigs to have.

Dobson: That's true.

Patrick: Hey, about a half hour ago, Michael Smith said Brady Quinn was overrated because his name is Brady. Is that expert analysis?

Dobson: The worldwide leader in sports!

Patrick: Right.

Dobson: Heeeerrrrreee's Roger for the Jets.

The New York Jets select Darrelle Revis, CB, Pittsburgh

Patrick: Well, they got the player they wanted.

Dobson: How much do you think they paid Steve Spurrier for that Under Armor commercial?

Patrick: Not enough. The ol' ball coach is an excellent actor.

Dobson: Pittsburgh is on the clock. You think they'll take Quinn now?

J: Quady Brinn!!!

Patrick: Nice to have to have you back, J.

J: It was tubby time!

Patrick and Dobson look at J.

Patrick: Yes, I say Pittsburgh takes Quinn. Let's see what the pick is.

Dobson: Go go Goodie Goodell!

Steelers select Lawrence Timmons, LB, Florida State

Patrick: Guess they felt there was a hole after Joey Porter left.

Dobson: Yeah, a 280lb hole.

Patrick: He's no immediate replacement, but it's a solid pick for the Steelers. The only problem is, they could have drafted Brady Quinn and traded him to anyone that had a top 10 pick and gotten an established linebacker.

Dobson: Nah, I like this pick. This guy could really grow into his role at Pittsburgh. His upside looks ok.

Patrick: Pfft, upside. You don't know a thing about him, do you?

Dobson: No, I don't! But FSU sucked last year, so what do you want from me?

Patrick: Green Bay is on the clock.

Dobson: Boomer and Co. thinks they take Quinn and reunite him with his brosef in-law AJ Hawk.

Patrick: Funny. I say they take Leon Hall and improve their defense.

Dobson: I'll put down a run to the store for sandwiches that they pick Brady Quinn.

Patrick: Done. If the Dolphins weren't smart enough, the Packers won't be. Green Bay wants wide receivers, but they can't get Randy Moss for Brady Quinn. Oakland just drafted a QB. I say the Packers take Leon Hall, or a WR.

Dobson: Suzy Kolber's back with Brady Quinn!

Patrick: He still looks pretty composed. She must have "relaxed" him.

Dobson: They seem to think the Browns are trying to trade up.

Patrick: What?!

Dobson: That would be awesome.

J: Brady Quinn!!!

Patrick: Yes. Yes. That would be very awesome. There's no way the Browns could pull this off, could they? Is this possible? This would turn the whole program around.

Dobson: Steve Young is praising him again after that interview. Let's see what the Packers do.

Patrick: I have to admit, I am enjoying Quinn's compsure. He's being very stand up about all of this. Not studdering, not nervous. Very composed.

Dobson: The Packers have made a selection. Here's Good Roger Goodell with the pick...

The Green Bay Packers select Justin Harrell, DT, Tennessee

Dobson: And the cheeseheads at Lambeau don't seem too happy.

Patrick: Well, they decided to improve the defense. The idea of the Browns trading up for Quinn still seems realistic.

J: Quinn Brady!

Dobson: The Jaguars, Bengals, Titans, Giants, and Broncos are coming up next. None of these teams take Quinn, do they?

Patrick: No, I don't think they do. I think the Browns should be working with either Dallas or Kansas City to try and get a deal done and get Brady Quinn.

J: Quindy Brad!!!

Dobson: I really hoped J would be asleep by now.

Patrick: I wonder who Jacksonville's going to take.

Dobson: Yeah, like I have any clue.

Patrick: Well I don't know. Why did you let them record our thoughts like this? Everyone's going to know we're huge homers and we don't care about anyone but the Browns. We're in way over our head.

Dobson: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until Brady Quinn gets taken.

J: Shady Flynn!!!!

Patrick: I think he's getting tired.

Dobson: Jacksonville has selected. Gravy Roger Roger is going to let us know whose up...

Patrick: Nope, Denver traded up with Jacksonville. You gotta think they want some defensive help. What are the terms there?

Dobson: Jacksonville trades 1st pick for the 1st, 3rd, and 6th round picks of the Broncos.

Patrick: Seems like they gave up a lot for this pick.

Dobson: It's just a trade-up. Really, the Broncos traded their 3rd and 6th round picks for the chance to move up.

Patrick: Oh, I see.

Dobson: Gravy Roger Roger is going to let us know what's up...

The Denver Broncos select Jarvis Moss, DE, Florida

Dobson: Seems like....

Patrick: No! No! We are not talking about him. Forget that. Don't say another word.

Dobson: Umm, ok? What do we talk about?

J: Gravy Twins!!!!!

Patrick and Dobson look at J.

Dobson: You should probably put him down for a nap or something.

Patrick: Cincinnati is up next.

Dobson: I'm looking for them to select Dog, The Bounty Hunter. He's big, and he runs the 40 in 2 seconds in his Lincoln Navigator. He should be able to catch any Bengals that need to go on the lamb during the season.

Patrick: Sick burn!

Dobson: Trey Wingo and Michael Smith are talking about that guy we're not talking about.

Patrick: Good. Let them. Wasted commentary by wasted human beings.

Dobson: Cinci is off the clock. Here's Roger...

The Cincinnati Bengals select Leon Hall, DB, Michigan.

Patrick: Well, he should have gone earlier too, but now he's going to a real contender. That is, if they're not all in jail next year.

Dobson: Aye, Hall was good, though he shyed away from the big moments against Teddy Ginn and Dwayne Jarret.

Patrick: Yeah, but he's a worker and a Big 10 guy. He's going to be in very good shape.

Dobson: It's too bad, the Titans could have used him at the next pick.

Patrick: Yeah, you gotta think the Titans were hoping to get him. After Roger decided to suspend Pacman Jones for the season, they will probably need some help defending the pass this year.

Dobson: Are we really going through the entire first round? We must be crazy. It's 3:40, and this thing started at 12:30.

Patrick: Yeah, J is asleep. I didn't think he'd make it as far as he did, but I figured he'd stay awake until Quinn boy went off the board.

Dobson: He's not asleep. He's passed out. I bashed him in the head when you went to the bathroom. He screamed "Trady Spinn!!" in my ear and I just unloaded on him.

Patrick: Ah, so I see.

Dobson: We're ending this thing when Quinn gets picked. I don't have the juice to keep going.

Patrick: Deal.

Dobson: So who does Tennessee take?

Patrick: I think they gotta take Dwayne Jarret. They need defense, but this is a great guy for Vince Young to throw to.

Dobson: Boomer and Co. think the Titans need to worry about character issues with their pick. Is that an issue with Jarret?

Patrick: Not that I know of. I can't remember him doing anything wrong, and USC has certainly had it's problems in the past. Reggie Bush, for example, was clearly payed to stay there an extra year.

Dobson: Right. So Jarret looks clean. We'll see what Tennessee does. They're up in 4 minutes.

Patrick: Tennessee has made a decision.

Dobson: Here comes Rog Rog...

The Tennessee Titans select Michael Griffin, S, Texas

Patrick: Well, they just aren't going the way you think they will. Another suprise?

Dobson: Yeah, this is a bit of a suprise. I'm starting to think Mel Kiper is full of crap.

Patrick: Me too. They need WRs and a RB, but this helps fill that hole on defense. They were dead last in defense last year. They really couldn't go wrong with a solid defensive pick.

Dobson: Right. Their offense carried them to an 8-8 season and they missed the playoffs by one win. Tom Brady going against that horrid defense cost them a playoff spot.

Patrick: Very good, Dobson. You're learning. Yeah, I don't think we'll be seeing Tennessee taking too many offensive players in this draft. They'll save that for next year - especially if they take a step back and end up with a high pick next year.

Dobson: Suzy Kolber says 3 teams are trying to trade ahead of Kansas City to get Brady Quinn.

Patrick: Just as I said.

Dobson: When did you say that?

Patrick: About 2000 words ago.

Dobson: How long is this thing at this point?

Patrick: I dunno, check and see.

Dobson: 4,721 words. Do you think anyone is still reading?

Patrick: Not a chance. But if we keep writing, we can still increase our Google Rating.

Dobson: Oh good call. Cleveland Browns Cleveland Browns Tennessee Titans New York Jets. Brady Quinn, Brady Quinn, Brady Quinn. This should help get more sports love from Googlers.

Patrick: The Giants have made their pick.

Dobson: Our man Rog is coming out...

The New York Giants select Aaron Ross, CB, Texas

Dobson: Another DB goes in the first round?

Patrick: Yeah. Not a lot of love at the glamour positions so far. After Russel and Johsnon went 1-2, only Adrian Peterson and Teddy Ginn were drafted as glory stompers.

Dobson: Yeah, so Aaron Ross got selected here and Defesne shows it's still very relevant in the 2007 NFL draft.

Patrick: Yeah, because nobody thought defense was important before 2007.

Dobson: The NFL Live 2nd String thinks Quinn will drop to the second round.

Patrick: My goodness. We could be here for a while. I need some new commercials to talk about or something.

Dobson: Yeah, what's up with that? I've seen that Under Armor commercial like 5 times now.

Patrick: Jacksonville has done something.

Dobson: Yes, here come Goodie Goodell.

The Jacksonville Jaguars select Reggie Nelson, S, Florida

Dobson: More defense.

Patrick: More defense we're not going to talk about.

Dobson: Dwayne Jarret and Brady Quinn are still out there. What's going to happen with them?

Patrick: I dunno. Brady Quinn could be looking at the 2nd round. Dallas is up next and KC is after them. They both have young QBs that they have faith in. If Buffalo didn't take Quinn and Miami didn't take Quinn, why would Dallas or KC when they've got Huard and Romo respectively?

Dobson: I gotta agree with what Dad called me to say a little bit ago. Brady Quinn needs to go and put on some Nike Shoks or some Under Armor and start working out. Put Fatheads of the Browns, Dolphins, and Vikings up on your wall and dedicate your NFL career to making them pay for not picking you.

Patrick: Haha, yeah, good call.

Dobson: So who does Dallas take with the next pick?

Patrick: Well, there's till offense out there, but I think they'll go defense because they want to follow the trend.

Dobson: Right, that would make them the 10th team in a row to take defense. And there's only been 5 skill positions taken so far. Adrian Peterson, Marshawn Lynch, JaMarcus Russel, Calvin Johnson, and Teddy Ginn Jr. are those picks.

Patrick: Yeah, I like Dallas to go defense again. They have Romo, they have TO, they have Terry Glenn. They'll probably pick defense.

Dobson: Here's that Vince Young Madden '08 commercial.

Patrick: Whoever directed that commercial deserves an award.

Dobson: Yeah, they made Vince Young seem like he could act. He wasn't all cardboard and stiff like Brett Favre in There's Something About Mary.

Patrick: Mel Kiper says Cleveland is going to need to give up a first round pick in 2008.

Dobson: Browns trade up! Browns trade up! Here comes Roger Dodger Roger Dodger!!!

The Cleveland Browns Select Brady Quinn, QB, Notre Dame.

Patrick: Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! I may be a homer, but I know when a team makes a steal of a pick!

Dobson: Yeah, but what did it take to get this done?

Patrick: Well, other trade-ups cost 2 picks. I would imagine that this one was the same, or perhaps Mel Kiper was right and the Browns gave them a first pick in 2008. What's the word, Dobson?

Dobson: Cleveland traded their 2nd round pick this year and their 1st Round pick in 2008 for the rights to Brady Quinn with the 22nd pick.

Patrick: I say it was a good call. The Browns' offensive line is already substantially improved, and the addition of Joe Thomas with the 3rd pick will only make it better. You have to believe the Browns will be moving up in the Draft next year after an injury riddled 2006. In essence, they traded a 12-18th pick in the first round for Brady Quinn, a player who should have gone in the top 10.

Dobson: Sounds good to me.

Patrick: Yeah, so, are we done?

Dobson: Yeah, we're done. One of these days we're going to have to figure out how to not be homers and pick against a Cleveland team somehow.

Patrick: I agree. Also, we're not doing anymore drafts. We only did 2/3 of a round and it was still terrible. Next year, we'll just do a recap on Monday.

Dobson: But we will be in NYC this summer for the NBA draft. That draft will be in person, so maybe we can do a Video Podcast or something. We'll see what our resources allow.

Patrick: That's it for us here in Patrick J. Dobson's head!

Dobson: Tschüs!

Patrick: Tschüs!

J: Chooooos!

---

So football is relevant in Cleveland again! Awesome. We could be going into a Golden Age of Cleveland sports with both the Cavs and Indians looking very good right now as well. We may look back on this day as the day that the Cleveland Browns had the best draft in their history.

Or the day the Browns picked two complete busts.

Tschüs!