Hi gang! It's finally NFL Draft time. After reeming ESPN the other day for having too much draft coverage, I have decided to be a hypocrite and write my longest post ever on the NFL draft.
For the draft, I'm doing a running dialogue between my various alter egos: Patrick, Dobson, and J.
Note: As it turned out, doing a running dialogue of the draft took a very long time. The draft is like 12 hours long! So I stopped after Brady Quinn got drafted.
Enjoy Patrick, Dobson, and J!
Patrick: Oh look, they're doing some kind of schmalzy montage at the beginning. Brady Quinn! JaMarcus Russel! Hey look! There's the fourth round wonderboy, Troy Smith! Is that the Rocky soundtrack? This whole event is just a bunch of guys picking teams like a gradeschool pickup game!
Dobson: Hey! Quiet! I'm listening to Boomer! I'm so excited for this draft!
Patrick: You would be. Add a version of the Rocky soundtrack to a bunch of Would Be Pros working out and running the 40, and you get all moist.
J: Haha, moist!
Dobson: Common, this is so exciting! Millions of lives will be changed today! Even Cardinals fans have a chance to pull out of the gutter!
Patrick eyes him
Dobson: Ok, maybe they don't.
Patrick: Well here it is, Boomer, Mel Kiper, Steve Young, and Keyshawn Johnson? I thought you had to be retired or on a terrible team before you got to sit at the desk? I just hope they give him the damned camera.
Dobson: Funny.
Patrick: I thought so.
Dobson: Madden 08 commercial with Reggie Bush! I can't wait to get that game!
Patrick: You ass, you'd buy the same game every year if I let you.
Dobson: Quiet, it's new commish Roger Goodell!
Patrick: He's opening the draft. The Oakland Raiders are now on the clock! It feels like they've been on the clock for 3 months! Cripes, I know as much about JaMarcus Russel as I do about Daisuke Matsuzaka.
J: Haha! Die-Sooooooooo-Kay!
Dobson and Patrick look at J for a moment.
Patrick: Right, well, I'm pretty depressed that the two most talked about figures in sports the past two months had no professional experience coming into this year.
Dobson: Hey, DiceK played pro in Japan! They won the WBC!
Patrick: I don't count baseball played on the other side of the international dateline.
Dobson: Because you can't watch it?
A moment passes.
Patrick: Because I can't watch it.
Dobson: I hope the Browns take Brady Quinn!
J: Brady Quinn is handsome!
Patrick: The Browns aren't even on the clock, but they need to take Joe Thomas. After a bunch of terrible picks, it's time for them to pick somone who's guaranteed not to be a bust.
Dobson: You're not guaranteed to be a bust!
J: Haha, bust!
Patrick: Yes. Good.
They watch.
Patrick: I think Mel Kiper is emotionally attached to Calvin Johnson. What's he going to do when he can't report on him anymore?
Dobson: Quiet, here comes the Commish...
The Oakland Raiders select JaMarcus Russel, QB, LSU
Patrick: JaMarcus Russel goes first. There's a suprise.
Dobson: Who should they have taken?
Patrick: Everyone should take Joe Thomas in the first round.
J: Brady Quinn!!
Dobson: Of course.
Patrick: Why is JaMarcus Russel on a landline talking to the Raiders?
Dobson: Signal must not be very good in Radio City Music Hall. What do you think Al Davis is saying to him?
Patrick: Probably something racist.
Dobson: JaMarcus had that white suit on yesterday. Today he's gone complete monochrome black. A good choice if you're going to get selected by the Raiders.
Patrick: Yes, very stylish. I agree.
J: Black is beautiful!
Patrick: There's Calvin Johnson as we go to commercial. This Draft Ticker that ESPN uses is a little ridiculous. I wonder what it costs? They use it for everything now. I think it was up the other day to measure the weight of Mel Kiper's hair.
Dobson: Vince Young in Madden 08! I can't wait to get that game!
Patrick: **Sigh** I guess you have to hand it to the EA Marketing department. Those commercials aren't bad, but we're not getting the game.
Dobson: Shush! Why are you always talking! Calvin Johnson just got the call from the Lions!
J: Speeeeeeeed!
Patrick: Speed, height, hands, vertical leap. Calvin Johnson is the football Jesus.
Dobson: You mean, beside Joe Thomas?
Patrick: Honestly, I'd take Calvin Johnson first, until TO gets to him and convinces him to eat the apple. The only bad thing about being the football Jesus is that you'll eventually KNOW you're the football Jesus.
J: Yay! Christmas!
They watch.
Patrick: Tirico, Kornheiser, and Jaworski are there promoting Monday Night Football on ESPN. As if they needed to! Props to ESPN replacing Theisman with Jaworski.
Dobson: Yeah, they traded a really annoying guy for a psuedo-annoying guy.
Patrick: Here's the commish for the Lions...
The Detroit Lions select Calvin Johnson, WR, Georgia Tech.
Patrick cries a little bit.
Dobson: I knew it! You did want the flashy wide receiver over the stable offensive tackle!
Patrick: Yeah, well, Detroit doesn't know how to treat a WR. Do you know who Charles Rogers or Mike Williams are?
Dobson: Who?
Patrick: Exactly. They were amazing WRs in college, and they were busts in the NFL. Who's going to throw to Johnson? John Kitna can't get the ball to him!
Dobson: They'll take Stanford's QB in the 2nd round.
Patrick looks at Dobson
Dobson: Yeah, they probably should have taken Brady Quinn.
J: Brady Quinnnnnnnnn!!!
Patrick and Dobson look at J
J: Handsome!
Patrick: I hope they trade Calvin Johnson for Calvin Johnson's sake.
Dobson: The Browns are on the clock!
Patrick: Oh no.
Dobson: What? This could turn the program around!
Patrick: They're going to take Brady Quinn. Joe Thomas is the right pick, and they're going to take Brady Quinn!
Dobson: They might take Adrian Peterson.
Patrick: Yeah, that's probably the right pick for the Browns. I can just see the game being called now: "And Adrian Peterson takes his first handoff! Brian Urlacher is right there! OOOOOOOOHHHH!!!! Adrian Peterson is down! That might be a career ender! That was such an awkward fall!"
Dobson: Joe Thomas? Sounds good.
Patrick: Check out Calvin Johnson talking to Suzy Kolber. He seems balanced. Not the norm for WRs.
Dobson: Yeah, wait till he gets to Detroit. He'll lose his sanity in the Lions program soon enough.
Patrick: It's nice that Boomer and Co. can really drill the Browns for how bad they are. Steve Young seems to think Brady Quinn...
J: Brady Quinn!!!!
Patrick: That that particular QB will answer the Browns problems. Here's the commish!
The Cleveland Browns select Joe Thomas, OT, Wisconsin
Patrick: They did it right! They did it right! They did it right! They did it right! They did it right! They did it right! Finally finally finally! They finally did it right!
Dobson: Calm down. They still suck.
Patrick: Yeah. True.
Dobson: Mel Kiper is running down those Christ-like highlights from Joe Thomas's senior season.
Patrick: That's beautiful. Jamal Lewis is going to double his production from last year.
Dobson: He'll score 2 TDs?
Patrick: Yeah.
A moment passes.
Patrick: I like that the Browns are showing faith in Charlie Frye. I think they're going to turn it around. I really do.
Dobson: So, who does Tampa Bay take now?
Patrick: Your mom. I don't care. The draft is over for me now.
Dobson: You're such a homer.
J: D'oh!!
Patrick: I say Tampa trades down.
Dobson: I say they take Adrian Peterson.
Patrick: Betcha 10 bucks.
Dobson: Betcha a copy of Madden 08 with Reggie Bush and Vince Young.
Patrick: Done. You'll forget by the time that game comes out in AUGUST.
Dobson: Your mother!
Patrick: Yours!
They fight.
J: Weeeeeee!!
Patrick: I was going to get Madden 08 anyway. Look, there's Brady Quinn holding back tears!
Dobson: And there's Suzy Kolber with that bright look in her eye. I think she wants to jump him.
Patrick: I agree. Brady Quinn and Suzy Kolber will be on the cover of US Weekly in two weeks holding hands and a bottle of tequila at the Palms.
Dobson: Gaines Adams is talking on his cell phone.
Patrick: Looks like Gruden doesn't want another young QB.
Dobson: Commish time for the Bucs...
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Gaines Adams, DE, Clemson.
Patrick: He's got all the enthusiam of a plank of wood.
Dobson: Or an old shoe.
Patrick: Suzy Kolber needs to flash him some leg so we can get a smile out of him.
Dobson: I think you really have a thing for her.
Patrick: Shut up! No.
J: Booooobieeeees!
Dobson: Hey, Devon Hester in Madden 08!
Patrick: Shut up. We were both wrong about Tampa Bay. It's a moot point.
Dobson: What's Hester's speed rating going to be in Madden?
Patrick: How high do they go?
Dobson: 100.
Patrick: 765.
Dobson: Who's got the next pick?
Patrick: I don't know! They took the ticker off the screen! I'm so lost! This commercial break is killing me!
Dobson: The ticker is back. Arizona is up next.
Patrick: Yeah, but now I have to listen to Trey Wingo and the rest of the NFL Live second string. I hate Trey Wingo.
Dobson: Because he doesn't know anything about football, judges the talent and attitude of players with no real information, and generally condescends to everyone in sight?
Patrick: No, because his name is Trey Wingo. There's no way that's his real name.
Dobson: There's Adrian Peterson. He's chewing gum.
Patrick: I hope he doesn't break his jaw.
Dobson: Zing!!
Patrick: I haven't seen anyone from Ohio State yet.
Dobson: Shhhhh. They're all still hiding from what happened in January.
Patrick: Roger Goodell.
The Arizona Cardinals select Levi Brown, OT, Penn State
Dobson: Huh?
Patrick: What? That's ridiculous! Listen to Boomer's Boys trying to justify this! Adrian Peterson and Brady Quinn are on the board!
Patrick: Yeah! You don't take Levi Brown here! You trade down and get more bang for your buck! That's just a terrible pick.
Dobson: Ladies and Gentleman, the Arizona Cardinals!!!
J: Cawdnalls!!!!!
Patrick: The Redskins are on the clock. Think they'll go defense?
Dobson: I say yes. No one in this league is smart enough to trade around to get proper value for their picks.
Patrick: I want to know what Tony Kornheiser thinks.
Dobson: And there he is! Awesome.
TV-Kornheiser: Everybody expects the Redskins to do what they've done the past few years, which is to trade this pick for 3 or 4 coordinators.
Patrick: And he burns the Redskins.
Dobson: Hah. You can always count on him for a zing.
Patrick looks at him.
Dobson: But yours was good too.
Patrick: Commercial break.
Dobson: They left the ticker up this time. They probably don't have the right ticker budget to keep it up all the time.
Patrick: But here's a new Under Armor commercial. I like the ones last year with AJ Hawk.
J: AJ Hawk loves Brady Quinn!!!!!!!!..................'s sister.
Dobson: They're showing Brady Qu.....
J looks at Dobson
Dobson: They're showing that QB from Notre Dame again. He's trying to laugh off this embarassment.
Patrick: Well, I'm sure he'll be laughing from Miami while he's hanging out with Dwayne Wade and Miguel Cabrera.
Dobson: LaRon Landry is on location in a White Sox hat and a clashing tie and shirt. He's getting the call from the 'Skins.
Patrick: Defense it is. Good call. You think he'll put on a 'Skins hat now?
Dobson: I hope not. It doesn't match his tie.
Patrick: How long do we have to do this?
Dobson: Till the end of the first round.
Patrick: Aw cripes, I'm going to get a sandwhich.
Dobson: Wait! Don't leave me alone with...
J: Hiiiii Dawbsen!!!!
Dobson sinks into his chair.
Dobson: To the commissioner...
The Washington Redskins select LaRon Landry, S, LSU
Dobson: The phone call cameras really ruin the suprise. I'm not a big fan.
J: Surprise!!!!!!
Dobson: Patrick! Get back in here, I'm dying by myself.
Patrick: Sorry. Who's on the clock?
Dobson: Minnesota.
Patrick: Suzy Kolber is talking to Peterson and Quinn's agent. He seems supremely disappointed that he's just lost a combined $5 million in commission.
Dobson: That's too bad for Peterson. He needed that signing bonus.
Patrick: Yeah, because his career is only going to last one carry.
Dobson: You're such a bastard.
Patrick: That's what they tell me. Hold on, Dad's calling.
Dobson: What's he saying.
Patrick: He's not watching the Draft. He's working. He wants to know who the Browns took. I don't think he's excited about Joe Thomas.
Dobson: I don't think I'm excited about Joe Thomas.
Patrick: No one is! Exciting picks are either hit or miss. Joe Thomas is what he is: a franchise changing offensive tackle that brings stability to a shaky organization.
Dobson: Here comes Right On Roger...
The Minnesota Vikings select Adrian Peterson, RB, Oklahoma
Patrick: And the bleeding ends.
Dobson: For the Vikings or Peterson?
Patrick: For Peterson's agent. He looked more worried than anyone.
Dobson: Yeah, he really should have been talking up his boys more. That they're going this late is unacceptable.
Patrick: Atlanta is on the clock.
J: Hotlanta! Rollin' in the Citaay!
Dobson: Quiet you, Brady Quinn has taken off his jacket.
J: Oooooo!
Patrick: Yeah, he's getting nervous. Atlanta's not going to pick him. He solves all their problems. That would just be too smart.
Dobson: What's wrong with Mike Vick?
Patrick looks at Dobson.
Dobson: Yeah, ok.
Patrick: Michael Vick just doesn't have what it takes to go the Super Bowl. The Falcons should take Quinn and trade Vick for WRs.
Dobson: Here's Goodman Goodell...
The Atlanta Falcons select Jamal Anderson, DE, Arkansas
Patrick: And Brady Quinn loses another $2 million.
Dobson: Look at him now. I really feel bad.
J: Brady saddddd!!
Patrick: Well, the Dolphins may finally have a legit replacement for Dan Marino after 15 years of waiting.
Dobson: They look pretty good right now. If they hadn't lost Nick Saban, they'd really be challenging in the AFC East. They added Joey Porter in the offseason, that defense is going to be nasty. Nothing could be better for a developing QB.
Patrick: Thank you, Professor.
Dobson: Your welcome, Patrick.
Patrick: They still have to be smart enough to take Brady Quinn. Suzy Kolber is next to him again. She's really close. They're totally going to do it.
Dobson: She kind of looks like his sister. I think it freaks him out.
Patrick: Yes, he seems considerably less comfortable next to her than she does to him. But that's only because his girlfriend is there. It only helps an athlete to date a member of the press. He'll never get his character assassinated.
Dobson: Here comes Roger...
The Miami Dolphins select Ted Ginn Jr., WR, Ohio State.
Patrick: So they took Brady Quinn. That's good.
Dobson: Uhhh, no, they didn't.
Patrick: Are you serious? This is ridiculous! He was the perfect fit! How do you not take Brady Quinn there?
Dobson: Brady Quinn is losing it. His composure is going away.
Patrick: And well it should! Miami didn't take Brady Quinn!?! That's terrible. They deserve to be the terrible football team they are.
Dobson: I love Teddy Ginn Jr.
J: Teddy Ginn!!! Brady Quinn!!!
Patrick: I love him too, but that was not the pick for the Dolphins. Ginn is great, but the Dolphins need a franchise QB and they were gifted Brady Quinn, and they didn't pull the trigger. This decision was a no brainer.
Dobson: What do you think if you're a Dolphins fan right now?
Patrick: Start stalking up on brown paper bags. You'll be wearing them for a while.
Dobson: This is on par with Houston taking Mario Williams over Reggie Bush.
Patrick: Absolutely. Someone should be fired straight away. But look who's on the clock.
Dobson: Houston.
Patrick: They have to take him. Yeah, they have David Carr, but it's the value! You can sign Brady Quinn for 10 or 5 cents on the dollar! Then he's HUUUGGGE trade bait. If you don't take Brady Quinn at this point, you're an idiot.
Dobson: ESPN is comparing this to Aaron Rogers two years ago. Justified?
Patrick: Certainly not. Brady Quinn is a better prospect than Aaron Rogers. This is a screwup of the highest order.
Dobson: Did you see Roger Goodell when he announced the pick? It was like he was as shocked as everyone else. This is completely absurd. I need a break.
Patrick: Yeah, me too.
J: Yeah! I like watching Brady Quinn!!
J: Roger!!! Roger!!!
The Houton Texans select Amobi Okoye, DT, Louisville
J: Uhhhmubee Ooookay! Yay!!! Brady Quinn!!!
Patrick: We really shouldn't have left him alone in here.
Dobson: It was my turn to take a break. You should have stayed!
Patrick: Meh.
Dobson: The Texans take another defensive lineman over a franchise player, what now?
Patrick: Well, the GMs at the top of the draft are proving why they're picking in the top of the draft. Brady Quinn is the value pick here. You have to make it.
Dobson: San Francisco is on the clock. They have Alex Smith. Should they take Brady Quinn?
Patrick: Absolutely. Again, you're not picking him to play for you at this point, you're picking him to trade him for a need that you have. There's too much value there.
Dobson: The collective intelligence of NFL GMs is being put on display here.
Patrick: And it sucks.
Dobson: Suzy Kolber is reporting that Roger Goodell has taken Brady Quinn to a private area.
Patrick: She's going back there as soon as she's done. Guaranteed.
Dobson: Yeah, he needs someone to take the edge off. It was a nice gesture by Roger Goodell though. So far, I like this new commish.
Patrick: Yeah, much prettier than Tagliabue.
Dobson: Uh....yeah.
J: Tagaboooo!!
Dobson: Here's Roger for the 9ers.
The San Francisco 49ers select Patrick Willis, LB, Mississippi
Dobson: He's wearing a Whitesox hat too! Are we seeing a new trend of college football players wearing hats of baseball teams that nobody likes?
Patrick: I think so. It seems to be stylish to wear the Whitesox hat and I don't see this fashion statement going anywhere anytime soon. Who's on the clock?
Dobson: The Bills. And you know what that means!
Patrick: Yes. They're going to take a DB, and put their faith in JP Losman. This is, of course, ridiculous. Especially after they let Willis McGahee get away for 65 cents on the dollar. The Bills just want to prove they can suck with the best of them.
Dobson: Well, the NFL Live guys want to know how far Brady Quinn will fall.
Patrick: It's simple. The next intelligent team on the board will take Brady Quinn. I say that's Pittsburgh. The Rooneys will get on the phone and right this ship.
Dobson: Here's Bruce Smith, former VA Tech Hoakie, for the Buffalo Bills Pick.
The Buffalo Bills select Mashawn Lynch, RB, California
Dobson: So they supported JP Losman.
Patrick: Yes, they did. But at least they filled that hole at RB. It's not the worst pick they could have made.
Dobson: Aye, and after the Dolphins proved to be utterly retarded, the Bills wanted to make a pick to improve the team and give them a chance in the AFC East.
Patrick: Which is interesting, because I wouldn't be suprised if the Jets were the team that was smart enough to take Brady Quinn.
Dobson: The Rams are on the clock. They've got Bulger, so they won't take Quinn. Who do they take at this point?
Patrick: The Rams? You think I know anything about the Rams? What do you know about the Rams?
Dobson: That they have Marc Bulger.
Patrick: I say they go defense. They might have benefitted from a WR with Hold and Bruce getting older, but the two best WRs are already gone.
Dobson: Here's Roger for the Rams
Rams select Adam Carriker, DE, Nebraska
Dobson: I'm taking a break.
Patrick: Me too.
Dobson: The NY Jets have traded up!
Patrick: The Jets have traded up!!
Dobson: What are they thinking?
Patrick: Well, they gotta be thinking corner back. But who knows.
Dobson: Yeah, ManGenius has got something up his sleeve.
Patrick: Trade details: Jets get to move up and a 6th round pick. The Panthers get the 25th overall plus a 2nd round pick and a 4th round pick.
Dobson: So they're thinking they'll get Revis and fill the holes they have at CB.
Patrick: That's the idea. I think they like that he can return kicks as well.
Dobson: Be honest, you're just listening to Boomer and Co. about this one.
Patrick: Yeah. The only thing I can really think about now is Brady Quinn's lost millions. How do you go to Thanksgiving next year and have to sit opposite 4th pick AJ Hawk?
Dobson: You hope Dallas picks you so you'll be on the field.
Patrick: There are worse football gigs to have.
Dobson: That's true.
Patrick: Hey, about a half hour ago, Michael Smith said Brady Quinn was overrated because his name is Brady. Is that expert analysis?
Dobson: The worldwide leader in sports!
Patrick: Right.
Dobson: Heeeerrrrreee's Roger for the Jets.
The New York Jets select Darrelle Revis, CB, Pittsburgh
Patrick: Well, they got the player they wanted.
Dobson: How much do you think they paid Steve Spurrier for that Under Armor commercial?
Patrick: Not enough. The ol' ball coach is an excellent actor.
Dobson: Pittsburgh is on the clock. You think they'll take Quinn now?
J: Quady Brinn!!!
Patrick: Nice to have to have you back, J.
J: It was tubby time!
Patrick and Dobson look at J.
Patrick: Yes, I say Pittsburgh takes Quinn. Let's see what the pick is.
Dobson: Go go Goodie Goodell!
Steelers select Lawrence Timmons, LB, Florida State
Patrick: Guess they felt there was a hole after Joey Porter left.
Dobson: Yeah, a 280lb hole.
Patrick: He's no immediate replacement, but it's a solid pick for the Steelers. The only problem is, they could have drafted Brady Quinn and traded him to anyone that had a top 10 pick and gotten an established linebacker.
Dobson: Nah, I like this pick. This guy could really grow into his role at Pittsburgh. His upside looks ok.
Patrick: Pfft, upside. You don't know a thing about him, do you?
Dobson: No, I don't! But FSU sucked last year, so what do you want from me?
Patrick: Green Bay is on the clock.
Dobson: Boomer and Co. thinks they take Quinn and reunite him with his brosef in-law AJ Hawk.
Patrick: Funny. I say they take Leon Hall and improve their defense.
Dobson: I'll put down a run to the store for sandwiches that they pick Brady Quinn.
Patrick: Done. If the Dolphins weren't smart enough, the Packers won't be. Green Bay wants wide receivers, but they can't get Randy Moss for Brady Quinn. Oakland just drafted a QB. I say the Packers take Leon Hall, or a WR.
Dobson: Suzy Kolber's back with Brady Quinn!
Patrick: He still looks pretty composed. She must have "relaxed" him.
Dobson: They seem to think the Browns are trying to trade up.
Patrick: What?!
Dobson: That would be awesome.
J: Brady Quinn!!!
Patrick: Yes. Yes. That would be very awesome. There's no way the Browns could pull this off, could they? Is this possible? This would turn the whole program around.
Dobson: Steve Young is praising him again after that interview. Let's see what the Packers do.
Patrick: I have to admit, I am enjoying Quinn's compsure. He's being very stand up about all of this. Not studdering, not nervous. Very composed.
Dobson: The Packers have made a selection. Here's Good Roger Goodell with the pick...
The Green Bay Packers select Justin Harrell, DT, Tennessee
Dobson: And the cheeseheads at Lambeau don't seem too happy.
Patrick: Well, they decided to improve the defense. The idea of the Browns trading up for Quinn still seems realistic.
J: Quinn Brady!
Dobson: The Jaguars, Bengals, Titans, Giants, and Broncos are coming up next. None of these teams take Quinn, do they?
Patrick: No, I don't think they do. I think the Browns should be working with either Dallas or Kansas City to try and get a deal done and get Brady Quinn.
J: Quindy Brad!!!
Dobson: I really hoped J would be asleep by now.
Patrick: I wonder who Jacksonville's going to take.
Dobson: Yeah, like I have any clue.
Patrick: Well I don't know. Why did you let them record our thoughts like this? Everyone's going to know we're huge homers and we don't care about anyone but the Browns. We're in way over our head.
Dobson: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until Brady Quinn gets taken.
J: Shady Flynn!!!!
Patrick: I think he's getting tired.
Dobson: Jacksonville has selected. Gravy Roger Roger is going to let us know whose up...
Patrick: Nope, Denver traded up with Jacksonville. You gotta think they want some defensive help. What are the terms there?
Dobson: Jacksonville trades 1st pick for the 1st, 3rd, and 6th round picks of the Broncos.
Patrick: Seems like they gave up a lot for this pick.
Dobson: It's just a trade-up. Really, the Broncos traded their 3rd and 6th round picks for the chance to move up.
Patrick: Oh, I see.
Dobson: Gravy Roger Roger is going to let us know what's up...
The Denver Broncos select Jarvis Moss, DE, Florida
Dobson: Seems like....
Patrick: No! No! We are not talking about him. Forget that. Don't say another word.
Dobson: Umm, ok? What do we talk about?
J: Gravy Twins!!!!!
Patrick and Dobson look at J.
Dobson: You should probably put him down for a nap or something.
Patrick: Cincinnati is up next.
Dobson: I'm looking for them to select Dog, The Bounty Hunter. He's big, and he runs the 40 in 2 seconds in his Lincoln Navigator. He should be able to catch any Bengals that need to go on the lamb during the season.
Patrick: Sick burn!
Dobson: Trey Wingo and Michael Smith are talking about that guy we're not talking about.
Patrick: Good. Let them. Wasted commentary by wasted human beings.
Dobson: Cinci is off the clock. Here's Roger...
The Cincinnati Bengals select Leon Hall, DB, Michigan.
Patrick: Well, he should have gone earlier too, but now he's going to a real contender. That is, if they're not all in jail next year.
Dobson: Aye, Hall was good, though he shyed away from the big moments against Teddy Ginn and Dwayne Jarret.
Patrick: Yeah, but he's a worker and a Big 10 guy. He's going to be in very good shape.
Dobson: It's too bad, the Titans could have used him at the next pick.
Patrick: Yeah, you gotta think the Titans were hoping to get him. After Roger decided to suspend Pacman Jones for the season, they will probably need some help defending the pass this year.
Dobson: Are we really going through the entire first round? We must be crazy. It's 3:40, and this thing started at 12:30.
Patrick: Yeah, J is asleep. I didn't think he'd make it as far as he did, but I figured he'd stay awake until Quinn boy went off the board.
Dobson: He's not asleep. He's passed out. I bashed him in the head when you went to the bathroom. He screamed "Trady Spinn!!" in my ear and I just unloaded on him.
Patrick: Ah, so I see.
Dobson: We're ending this thing when Quinn gets picked. I don't have the juice to keep going.
Patrick: Deal.
Dobson: So who does Tennessee take?
Patrick: I think they gotta take Dwayne Jarret. They need defense, but this is a great guy for Vince Young to throw to.
Dobson: Boomer and Co. think the Titans need to worry about character issues with their pick. Is that an issue with Jarret?
Patrick: Not that I know of. I can't remember him doing anything wrong, and USC has certainly had it's problems in the past. Reggie Bush, for example, was clearly payed to stay there an extra year.
Dobson: Right. So Jarret looks clean. We'll see what Tennessee does. They're up in 4 minutes.
Patrick: Tennessee has made a decision.
Dobson: Here comes Rog Rog...
The Tennessee Titans select Michael Griffin, S, Texas
Patrick: Well, they just aren't going the way you think they will. Another suprise?
Dobson: Yeah, this is a bit of a suprise. I'm starting to think Mel Kiper is full of crap.
Patrick: Me too. They need WRs and a RB, but this helps fill that hole on defense. They were dead last in defense last year. They really couldn't go wrong with a solid defensive pick.
Dobson: Right. Their offense carried them to an 8-8 season and they missed the playoffs by one win. Tom Brady going against that horrid defense cost them a playoff spot.
Patrick: Very good, Dobson. You're learning. Yeah, I don't think we'll be seeing Tennessee taking too many offensive players in this draft. They'll save that for next year - especially if they take a step back and end up with a high pick next year.
Dobson: Suzy Kolber says 3 teams are trying to trade ahead of Kansas City to get Brady Quinn.
Patrick: Just as I said.
Dobson: When did you say that?
Patrick: About 2000 words ago.
Dobson: How long is this thing at this point?
Patrick: I dunno, check and see.
Dobson: 4,721 words. Do you think anyone is still reading?
Patrick: Not a chance. But if we keep writing, we can still increase our Google Rating.
Dobson: Oh good call. Cleveland Browns Cleveland Browns Tennessee Titans New York Jets. Brady Quinn, Brady Quinn, Brady Quinn. This should help get more sports love from Googlers.
Patrick: The Giants have made their pick.
Dobson: Our man Rog is coming out...
The New York Giants select Aaron Ross, CB, Texas
Dobson: Another DB goes in the first round?
Patrick: Yeah. Not a lot of love at the glamour positions so far. After Russel and Johsnon went 1-2, only Adrian Peterson and Teddy Ginn were drafted as glory stompers.
Dobson: Yeah, so Aaron Ross got selected here and Defesne shows it's still very relevant in the 2007 NFL draft.
Patrick: Yeah, because nobody thought defense was important before 2007.
Dobson: The NFL Live 2nd String thinks Quinn will drop to the second round.
Patrick: My goodness. We could be here for a while. I need some new commercials to talk about or something.
Dobson: Yeah, what's up with that? I've seen that Under Armor commercial like 5 times now.
Patrick: Jacksonville has done something.
Dobson: Yes, here come Goodie Goodell.
The Jacksonville Jaguars select Reggie Nelson, S, Florida
Dobson: More defense.
Patrick: More defense we're not going to talk about.
Dobson: Dwayne Jarret and Brady Quinn are still out there. What's going to happen with them?
Patrick: I dunno. Brady Quinn could be looking at the 2nd round. Dallas is up next and KC is after them. They both have young QBs that they have faith in. If Buffalo didn't take Quinn and Miami didn't take Quinn, why would Dallas or KC when they've got Huard and Romo respectively?
Dobson: I gotta agree with what Dad called me to say a little bit ago. Brady Quinn needs to go and put on some Nike Shoks or some Under Armor and start working out. Put Fatheads of the Browns, Dolphins, and Vikings up on your wall and dedicate your NFL career to making them pay for not picking you.
Patrick: Haha, yeah, good call.
Dobson: So who does Dallas take with the next pick?
Patrick: Well, there's till offense out there, but I think they'll go defense because they want to follow the trend.
Dobson: Right, that would make them the 10th team in a row to take defense. And there's only been 5 skill positions taken so far. Adrian Peterson, Marshawn Lynch, JaMarcus Russel, Calvin Johnson, and Teddy Ginn Jr. are those picks.
Patrick: Yeah, I like Dallas to go defense again. They have Romo, they have TO, they have Terry Glenn. They'll probably pick defense.
Dobson: Here's that Vince Young Madden '08 commercial.
Patrick: Whoever directed that commercial deserves an award.
Dobson: Yeah, they made Vince Young seem like he could act. He wasn't all cardboard and stiff like Brett Favre in There's Something About Mary.
Patrick: Mel Kiper says Cleveland is going to need to give up a first round pick in 2008.
Dobson: Browns trade up! Browns trade up! Here comes Roger Dodger Roger Dodger!!!
The Cleveland Browns Select Brady Quinn, QB, Notre Dame.
Patrick: Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew! I may be a homer, but I know when a team makes a steal of a pick!
Dobson: Yeah, but what did it take to get this done?
Patrick: Well, other trade-ups cost 2 picks. I would imagine that this one was the same, or perhaps Mel Kiper was right and the Browns gave them a first pick in 2008. What's the word, Dobson?
Dobson: Cleveland traded their 2nd round pick this year and their 1st Round pick in 2008 for the rights to Brady Quinn with the 22nd pick.
Patrick: I say it was a good call. The Browns' offensive line is already substantially improved, and the addition of Joe Thomas with the 3rd pick will only make it better. You have to believe the Browns will be moving up in the Draft next year after an injury riddled 2006. In essence, they traded a 12-18th pick in the first round for Brady Quinn, a player who should have gone in the top 10.
Dobson: Sounds good to me.
Patrick: Yeah, so, are we done?
Dobson: Yeah, we're done. One of these days we're going to have to figure out how to not be homers and pick against a Cleveland team somehow.
Patrick: I agree. Also, we're not doing anymore drafts. We only did 2/3 of a round and it was still terrible. Next year, we'll just do a recap on Monday.
Dobson: But we will be in NYC this summer for the NBA draft. That draft will be in person, so maybe we can do a Video Podcast or something. We'll see what our resources allow.
Patrick: That's it for us here in Patrick J. Dobson's head!
Dobson: Tschüs!
Patrick: Tschüs!
J: Chooooos!
So football is relevant in Cleveland again! Awesome. We could be going into a Golden Age of Cleveland sports with both the Cavs and Indians looking very good right now as well. We may look back on this day as the day that the Cleveland Browns had the best draft in their history.
Or the day the Browns picked two complete busts.
Tschüs!