Spectating Savant

As a diehard fan of the Tribe, Cavs, Buckeyes, and (sort of) Browns, I take it upon myself to provide suitable commentary for relevant Ohio sports. A single episode of Sportscenter will yield 20 minute commentaries about Barry Bonds, Terrell Owens, Derek Jeter's filing of divorce papers to void his marriage to Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez's secret love child with Daisuke Matsuzaka, Cubs fans committing mass suicide, or Roger Clemens' jock smelling of fresh basil and rhubarb.

No matter where you live, you probably know more about the trials and tribulations of the Yankees, Red Sox, Patriots, Knicks, and Mets than any team other than your own. I know that I jump for joy when Peter Gammons (check him and other commentators over at ESPN.com) mentions Travis Hafner or Grady Sizemore for 10 or 15 seconds. Shortly thereafter, I'll drudge through 20 minutes of how Isaiah Thomas is trying to avoid snipers in New York or that Alex Rodriguez is crying through 3 boxes of tissues a night.

So, Ohio sports fans, I want you to know that I'm here for you. ESPN provides the best sports coverage on the planet, but odds are you won't be hearing any analysis of your team in the near future.

So without further ranting from me, let's get to the Ohio Sports Roundup.

Championship Watch: Buckeye Basketball

The Ohio State men's basketball team is currently ranked #1 in the country. They've got a dominating prescence down low with the much hyped Greg Oden and a good point guard in the fast, intelligent Mike Conley Jr. They finished the regular season with a Big Ten championship going 15-1. They went 27-3 overall with losses AT Florida, AT North Carolina, and AT Wisconsin. Each of those teams could all end up with #1 seeds come tournament time.

The Buckeyes finished the regular season much the same way Florida did. They played lazy, bored basketball in the face of the looming NCAA tournament. The difference between them and Florida? The Buckeyes still won those games! They quietly went through a slump and nobody noticed because they managed to wake up the last 4 minutes of every game. This is a team built for The Madness.

They've got outside shooting, slashers and drivers, they've got the ever present defense of Greg Oden, and the ability to press and run the floor. This team can do anything, and they're completely ready for March.

Mr. Dobson (aka Dad) is convinced that this team gets torched if they go up against the Gators, Tarheels, or Jayhawks in the tournament. As a member of the Buckeye faithful, I can only sit back and drool at the prospect of attaining vengence by beating those ugly reptiles to a pulp and leaving them broken and bloodied at the feet of THE Ohio State University. After The Event That Must Never Be Mentioned in January, it's our time to steal a title from a team that was a lock to win it before the season started.

I want that trophy.

I hear the women's team is pretty good too. It's too bad, you know, that they're women.

Wanted: One point guard to run a hopelessly disorganized offense. Court vision, passing ability, and intelligence a must. Shooting ability and defense a plus. Payment in heaps of cash and championship rings. Please send resumes to Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, OH.

I watched the trade deadline come and go. Every player on the Cleveland Cavaliers was shopped around the league trying to get help for LeBron James. The Cavs have one of the best defensive units in the league, but there's only one person on the team that can run the offense AND make shots. He's 6'8" and 260lbs and appears regularly in Nike commercials. The only problem is that he can't pass the ball to himself. LeBron would probably be averaging 8 or 9 assists a game if his teamates could drain a shot when he sets them up. If he's not carrying the ball, nobody can set him up. There's not a player on the Cavs outside of King James that can make a decent pass.

The possibility of getting Jason Kidd at the trading deadline made me want to cry tears of joy. It ended up being like the girl that comes to the party with a low cut blouse, hugs everyone, and touches your leg while intermittently making innuendos - just a big tease. Much like a big tease, I was aroused at the possiblity, but I wouldn't pollute my brain by listening. The deadline came and went. Jason Kidd and Vince Carter still play for the Nets, and that team is supposed to be rebuilding! Ridiculous.

The most recent game against the Pistons was certainly a statement game. It was LeBron stating that he is the King and no one can stop him. I just hope he hasn't bought into the criticism that he was slacking. Save some energy, baby! The regular season doesn't matter!

The reality is that this team may not even need a point guard; just a better offensive mentality. LeBron James, Larry Hughes, Sasha Pavlovic, Anderson Varejao, and Daniel Gibson/Shannon Brown have the makings of an excellent run-the-floor offense. Switching in Drew Gooden and Big Z, and the team is an excellent half-court offense. However, Mike Brown can't wrap his head around the X's and O's to get this team to do that. The Cavs have no signature offense, and I don't think Mike Brown can build one. I give Brown mad props for what he's done on the defensive side of the floor, but he needs to find an assistant coach that understands offenses, or find another job.

Why didn't Phil Jackson want to coach the Cavs?

A point guard or a good offensive coach. I'd prefer the former, but I'll settle for the latter if it gets us a parade and ring.

Browns to League: We love to Suck!

The Cleveland Browns are sitting on top of yet another top 10 draft pick, and this week they decided to sign the washed up Jamal Lewis fresh off a release from the Baltimore Ravens. The Ravens, in response, traded two 3rd Round draft picks and one 7th round draft pick for the infinitely more talented Willis McGahee.

I can see what the Browns were thinking: "This guy has never rushed for less than 150 yards in a game at Cleveland! We'd be crazy not to sign him!"

Why are the Browns taking everyone else's trash? I have to read this signing as Cleveland picking up a mentor for the soon-to-be-drafted Adrian Peterson - which, itself, is absurd.

The BETTER move here was not to take Baltimore's Prison-softened Lucy, but to offer Buffalo something better for McGahee. Say, a 2nd, 3rd, and 7th round draft pick in different years. THEN, instead of drafting the injury proned Peterson, draft Joe Thomas out of Wisconsin. Thomas is a stud offensive lineman. He's 6'6"-310, moves freakishly well, and he's got great hands. Put McGahee behind this guy, and the Browns are an instant contender! Why is this only obvious to me? I don't get it!! If the reasoning was to avoid a bidding war for McGahee, then it should be expected that Baltimore would want to do the same. Make a better offer and get a better player!

Cowardice.

Now we're going to draft Adrian Peterson and have an excellent running back for 3 games before he goes down with a broken scapula or collar bone or torn ACL. Two or three seasons of that, and the kid's going to retire. HE CANNOT SURVIVE IN THE NFL! Then, Cleveland will be stuck with the "1-step, 2-step, Tackled" play of Jamal Lewis.

What makes even less sense, is that Peterson and Lewis are similar, contact-prone running backs. It seems like it'd be smarter at this point to draft Calvin Johson. At least by adding players that compliment each other, it looks like you're trying to help the team win! Instead, we're going to have two Daisy running backs that play the same style poorly.

Adrian Peterson is a fine running back, but you can't score touchdowns on the sideline with a cast on your leg.

Contracts Mum at Chain Of Lakes Park

It's Spring Training time again and we're entering season 6 of the rebuilding process. Now, I love Mark Shapiro, but only an idiot would allow the 2006 season after the 2005 season. 2005 was like the girl that comes to the party with a low-cut shirt.... wait, I've already used that analogy... why is being a Cleveland sports fan like being a sexually frustrated 14 year old boy?

In 2005, the Cleveland Indians had the best bullpen in all of Baseball. They put up a nasty 2.80 ERA and produced 51 saves. This, of course, translated to 93 wins and a playoff hunt that was narrowly missed on the last weekend of the season.

That amazing bullpen was dismantled the following season. Bob Howry escaped in free agency to the Cubs and Arthur Rhodes was traded to the Phillies for the disappointing Jason Michaels. Shapiro was making a statement: "We don't need seasoned set up men! We've got rookies!". The ensuing personal implosion of lefty specialest Scott Sauerbeck (Who hides from the police in the bushes with some bimb? Don't do drugs.) and the complete lack competence of Guillermo Mota left Bob Wickman as the only veteran in the Tribe bullpen.

As a result, the 2006 Bullpen was 24th in baseball with a 4.66 ERA and only 24 saves. They tried to solve the problem mid season by trading Bob Wickman for a 19 year old catcher....wait, what? My head hurts.

But, it does seem that Shapiro has learned the error of his ways: adding players improves the team, and letting them go does not. Marky Mark signed Aaron Fultz, Roberto Hernandez, and Joe Borowski to anchor down the back-end of the bullpen. They will join the consistent Raphael Betancourt, Matt Miller, and a youngster to be named in a much more well rounded Tribe Pen in 2007. Will they be as good as 2005? Probably not, but they will undoubtedly be better than 2006.

With a lineup that can only be outdone by the Yankees, and a pitching staff consisting of consistency led by CC Sabathia and Jake Westbrook, the 2007 Indians should be a very formidable team.

Now if only their application to the National League Central would be accepted.

At the same time, the clock is ticking. Westbrook is a free agent after the 2007 season. With Gil Meche getting $40+ million and Barry Zito getting $130 million, Westbrook is going to command a massive contract this offseason that the Indians won't be able to match. After Westbrook leaves, Travis Hafner and CC Sabathia will be hot on his heals as their contracts expire after the 2008 season. Both of those guys will command $100+ Million contracts, and unless they strike oil under the Jake sometime in the next two years, Cleveland won't be able to afford them either.

I have to believe that Westbrook, Sabathia, and Hafner will all be on the trading block if Shapiro can't re-sign them during spring training this year. He knows the Indians won't be able to outbid the likes of New York, Boston, Chicago, and Los Angeles, and he traded Bartolo Colon in a competitive year for the same reasons. Granted, the Indians got Grady Sizemore and Cliff Lee in that Colon trade, but those players blossoming the way they did was more than a bit lucky.

If we don't hear anymore about contract extensions during Spring Training this year, then the future in Cleveland could look somewhat bleak.

However, the Indians won 78 games in 2006, and the bullpen collected 27 of those losses. If the Indians can correct just 10 of those losses with the offseason improvements and steal 2 or 3 more wins, there's a good chance they'll be back in the playoffs. Then it's all a matter of getting hot at the right time.

Go Tribe!

That's the Ohio roundup. It seems to me that I've got 4 very good chances of going to a parade in the next calendar year. I'd love for it to be in downtown Cleveland, but Columbus will do as well.

Tschüs!