Popping the Wii Cherry
On the outside, I'm an early 20s College Student whom you can regularly find drinking at bars, chasing women around campus, or (un)ambitiously studying information technology. Despite this gen Xer shell, I am, on the inside, still a very little boy. My favorite movie of 2006 was Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - a flick that required a much larger dose of imagination than the highly inspired original. It is not uncommon for me to break out into improvised and unprovoked happy dances, and I'd much rather call a girl a "doody head" than buy her a drink or take her to dinner. The little boy on the interior of my person is clearly trying to escape.
Or maybe I'm just an enormous nerd.
In either case, this manchild-nerdboy is a gamer. While most of the gaming world seems fit to kill aliens and zombies, steal cars and race them across europe, and play game after game of digital pigskin in which the gameplay rarely changes and John Madden never gets less annoying, I enjoy an experience more withdrawn from daily life.
I know what you're thinking.
"Oh boy, here comes the WoW rant."
Ok, fine, yes, I played it for two weeks and enjoyed nearly every moment of it. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about this:
Yes, Nintendo has been the source of my video gaming delight since I was a very small boy trapped in the body of a very small boy. Mario and Luigi are my brothers, and Link is the best epic hero around for my money. And oh my, that Princess Peach. I don't advocate ever being attracted to digital personas, but sometimes the heart just wants what the heart wants.
But these days are sad days. Nintendo fandom in this, the seventh generation of video game consoles is a formidable and punishing undertaking. Let me explain...
At 6 years of age in 1991, I received my first Nintendo system. The SNES was new, and though it wasn't quite what I wanted (I had gone through most of early childhood being envious of and befriending all those kids with an NES) I grew to love it rather quickly. Over the next 15 years, Nintendo would fall from the dominant position it controlled with the NES in the mid 80s. Console arrivals from Sony and eventually Microsoft would take market share from that other company in Redmond, Washington.
But that didn't bother me. N64s, GameCubes, and Gameboys of all shapes and sizes were always ready for me as soon as I had enough money (or made the proper grades in school) to be ready for them. They would be piled high on store shelves, and I'd never have want of one.
And this, friends, is where the sadness enters.
Nintendo's latest console, the Nintendo Wii, is harder to find than a woman who likes Scorsese and talks sports. I've been carrying around hundreds of dollars with me for two months now; hoping that I'll run across one out of sheer luck. I don't have to emphasize to my fellow college students how difficult it is to hold on to that kind of money.
Of course, you're probably thinking that if I was such a big fan, why didn't I wait in line for one on launch day?
Well, Mr. Genius, I did. I was there on November 19th. I bought one, and I played it like mad. It was glorious. Some might argue that waiting 12 hours in the rain and braving egg attacks from high school girls in front of a Best Buy is an act of lunacy. Those individuals do not understand the wonderful feeling of driving home on launch day, a shiny new console in the passengers seat, and hours of gaming in the very near future. Exhaustion is withstood so that hours of joy can be had upon arrival back home - where many more sleepless hours of gaming will be simultaneously relished and endured.
That feeling is not something anyone should miss.
But now I pay a much greater price than simple sleep depravation.
It's like that girl. That girl that held out for years, but finally gave in one drunken night. Now she can't date a guy without sleeping with him because she knows exactly what she'd be missing.
I had a Wii. Now I do not. And the pain is that I know exactly what I'm missing.
But how did I lose it? Suffice it to say that my Wii was never my Wii in the first place.
I had the will. I had the determination. I did not have the economy. But the heavenlies would align in my favor. Those wonderful providers that brought me into this world cut me some slack to cover their own negligence. The boy (otherwise known as the younger Dobson, my brother) had a birthday in mid September. As with all of us, one can expect certain compensation on birthdays for the perseverance of another year of life. However, due to the rat race of life, the boy did not receive a gift or even a trip home from his older, wiser sibling.
Thus, in a collaborative effort between parents and son, a Wii was procured for the younger Dobson. And though Sonny got first and most intensive dibs on this new endowment, the fruit of that endeavor was ultimately left to Michael.
And now I'm sitting here, like a slut dating a virgin, waiting for the supply chains to give in so I can have my satisfaction.
And, like often happens in life, the tables have turned. Nintendo is vigorously increasing their market share. Their earnings are up 100% over a year ago, and Wiis are no where to be found. Sony had a terrible launch that was overhyped by the eBay faithful and PS3s are readily available in stores.
But I don't have a Wii.
And I'm certainly not ready to kill zombies and listen to John Madden.
Maybe I should just go get layed.
Tschüs!