Alright, you pigs. I know what you're doing. You're slopped in front of your computer at work, or school, or your dorm room just like you were slopped in front of your TV before you sat down at your computer. You know how it is: you live your life a half-hour or an hour at a time allowing your brain to be drained away into a world created by people not quite attractive enough to be in the movies.
God bless you. I'm right there with you.
Well, sort of.
The sports blog on this site and this TV blog could very easily be combined. Currently, I'm a 21-year-old college student. So while I spend a whopping 16 hours a week in class, a good chunk of those other 152 are spent within 10 feet of a TV tuned into ESPN. Scott Van Pelt, John Anderson, and Stuart Scott are like friends of mine. Growing up, Linda Cohn was like a second mother to me, Chris "Boomer" Berman a father, and don't tell my G-pas, but I'd trade them both in if Peter Gammons would take over.
I believe there have been few experiences more traumatic than being reduced to basic cable for 6 months in high school. I am certain the lack of ESPN dropped by GPA a good 2 tenths of a point. Sportscenter has consistently been the reason to get up in the morning.
But between Cavs games, Tribe games, Browns games, Buckeye games, hours of Sportscenter, Baseball Tonight, PTI, and Around the Horn, I do get a chance to watch some scripted TV comedy and Drama.
But let's get a few things straight.
- I hate reality television. Reality television is not reality television. Survivor, Big Brother, The Amazing Race, and American Idol are glorified game shows edited and fanagled to be made into semi-entertaining television. Road Rules and The Real World are one step removed from Girls Gone Wild. If I want GGW, I can have GGW. Why would I settle for any cocktease MTV can provide? No, Sports are the only true reality TV.
- Anything on HBO (Entourage notwithstanding) should be watched sporadically. The Sopranos, The Wire, and Deadwood (among others) are cinema quality entertainment. You'll never find anything like these on any other station. But you won't see me in front of the TV every week when the new episodes air. Why? Because they're too good for TV. Too intense. I watch a lot of movies as it is. When I want light beer, I drink light beer. When I want lager, I drink lager. A combination of the two is probably dangerous.
- Everyone should watch Entourage. Everyone. It's the funniest thing on TV, bar none. The acting from Adrian Grenier(Vince) and Kevin Connolly(Eric) can be suspect from time to time, but you're just missing out on the best TV has to offer if you don't get your weekly dose of Ari Gold and Johnny Drama.
- Dr. Gregory House is the best written, best acted, best overall character on television. Hugh Laurie is a breath of fresh air. He's better than every actor on TV doing their native accent. His character has depth, flaw, intelligence, and wit. The show is a must watch (though lately I've found it questionable). The cases are interesting, and if you watch enough of it, you start trying to diagnose the cases yourself. I think I'm about a season and a half away from being able to diagnose Lou Gehrig's Disease (or ALS for the avid fan). I'm very serious about this.
- I have always loved Primetime animation, but lately, I'm starting to doubt. I've been a diehard Simpsons fan since I learned of its existence. However, the last few seasons have been a far cry from from the first nine. Any show that can stay this good for this long deserves to be ranked up there with the best ever, but I continue to wonder when the end is going to come. Where I was once laughing hysterically four or five times an episode, I'm now down to once every two or three episodes. That's still a better ratio than 80% of television, but maybe this show pony needs to be put out to stud. Going further...
- Family Guy is hysterical, but only the first or second time. There's no depth to any of the jokes, so they don't stay funny. Shock comedy is great, but you'll never hear me uttering something asinine like, "OMG, Family Guy is so much better than the Simpsons!" If that happens, stop reading this blog, because I'm dead.
- Adult Swim started out very fresh, but has evolved into a poor man's Family Guy. It's all shock comedy, and anything that aspires to be more than that is poorly executed and ultimately more annoying than funny. Bring your weed, because this psuedo-network requires it.
- South Park is perhaps the heir to The Simpsons' throne. Trey Parker and Matt Stone possess both a talent for shock comedy (predominantly in the early seasons), and a savvy satirical bite. Everything in the latest season has been gold, and I'm very much looking forward to the second half of that.
- I will continue to watch all of these cartoons every week.
- Like a father whose son has joined the majorettes, MTV is dead to me. The days of controversial music videos, pushing the envelope of both the social consciousness and musical culture, and straight up entertaining us are gone. Whether it be a mini-marathon of Next, Rob and Big, or My Super Sweet 16, MTV's programming will subtract points from your IQ. I would very much prefer a colonoscopy to reliving high school or watching spoiled teeny boppers. Carson Daly was wise to get out when he did.
- Carson Daly's show on NBC will be cancelled very soon.
- We are in the midst (or possibly the end) of one of the fabled Saturday Night Live troughs I've been told about since I was old enough to watch. Phil Hartman begat Dana Carvey, who begat Mike Myers, who begat Adam Sandler, who begat Chris Farley, who begat Will Ferrel. Well, it wasn't quite like that, but there was a lot of funny from the mid-nineties into the beginning of this decade. Then Will Ferrel left before passing the torch. I was actually upset when Jimmy Falon left! Jimmy Falon! When you get upset about Jimmy Falon leaving, the dark days have already started. I haven't been a regular watcher of the show in some time, but I still recognize the hole in my variety show life. Chappelle's Show filled it for a while, but I think Dave recognized that you get out while you're hot. I suppose I'll just have to wait until SNL overcomes this trough like they have in the past.
Television is important. It's a major portion of our culture and will remain that way for the forseeable future.
Me? I'm waiting for the next show I can get addicted to. If House, Entourage, and South Park start to stale as they might very well do, then ESPN will be my only TV source.
Which, you know, isn't the worst thing that could happen.
Tschüs!