Patrick J. Dobson

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well, everyone is different about what they can skip and can't. everyone has their own ideas of what makes or breaks a wedding. i was a 39 yr old first time bride marrying a man who had been married before and had 5 kids. the kids were our wedding party. they picked out nice, pretty dresses that coordinated, but didn't "match," that they could wear again. we didn't have to buy them gifts for being in our wedding.

i created my own invitations and took them to a print shop that charged $1 per color copy of 8.5x11" paper. i could fit 2 to a page. 50c each invitation. they did charge me a nominal cutting fee, like $3 or something. we just sent the invitation. no RSVP cards, no directions on how to get there, nothing extra. if they needed to know how to get there, they either looked it up on a mapping service online or called and asked us. we didn't request RSVP's. we talked to people and got a good sense of who was coming. we didn't invite relatives and people we didn't know or hadn't seen in more than five years. we invited 150 people and had food for 125. 107 people showed up and all the food was eaten.

we didn't have our own champagne flutes or serving set (knife and server for the cake), we just used what the hotel had. i didn't have a bouquet made to toss. we skipped that. we did do favors but only because we found exactly what we wanted for $1 each. otherwise we would have skipped that.

a family friend played the keyboard and we gave him $50--mainly for gas money. he drove 3 hours each way to do it for us.

we didn't do "out of town" gift bags. we didn't do a rehearsal or have a rehearsal dinner (though in hind sight, i would definitely have done a quick rehearsal mainly so my dad would know when to sit down and the kids would have known to stand closer to us.)

my dress was a $200 formal dress bought from a department store. i didn't go to a bridal shop and the only alteration needed was done by my aunt 2 hours before the ceremony. my shoes were $30 and i still wear them ALL the time. i didn't have a veil or fancy undergarments. i didn't even have a garter! i did wear a cheap tiara that i absolutely loved.

that's a good hint--if you don't absolutely love it, you probably don't need to spend money on it.

i didn't have a shower. (i know this in not even conceivable to younger people, and i totally understand that. if you have not lived on your own very long or at all and you are starting out with nothing, then you need a shower to get you going! i get that. but i had lived on my own for 20 years and we both had everything we needed. so we skipped the wedding showers.) but instead of a shower, my niece and sister-in-law did a lot of nice things. my brother and sister-in-law paid for my manicure and pedicure the day before as a "shower" gift. my niece e-mailed a lot of my friends and they put together a "honeymoon basket" for us. there were a lot of snacks and candles and sparkling grape juice, etc. it was really a nice alternative to a shower for us.

i did my own hair and make up.

we served dinner--pasta and salad. we had ice tea and lemonade to drink. no pop (or soda), no alcohol, not even punch!

we didn't hire a dj or do a dance for the reception.

we didn't tip any of the vendors. that's their job, that's what they get paid to do. they charged me what they wanted/needed for the job. end of story. you probably should tip your hair/make up person if you have one--though why would you do this if you are trying to save money?, unless their charge includes the "tip" for coming to you the day of.

hope you can find a bit of something in here to help you along. i know i'm an old fogey who seems miserly. LOL a lot of my friends and family tried to talk me into little extras--just because "it's your one special day!" yeah, i go to marry the man i had waited my whole life for. that was the "special" part of the day. nothing else really mattered.